Hillary Clinton PUMAs Sense McCain Facade

If the kingdom's pundits are to be believed, on the eve of the Republican National Convention the sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits lies in tatters as wild-eyed untamed PUMAs* frantically pace nearby.

Starved out of their minds and thirsting once and for all to shatter the bane of their embattled existence, they diligently point flared nostrils to the wind, yearning for the faint whiff of politically charged estrogen. For the smell of this elixir would instantly transform the mange-ridden pack into a proud, free, brave coalition of yesteryear, a dream team so close to propelling their once fearless leader through a barrier to hallowed ground, they could taste the side of hash browns, eggs, and steaming coffee served a la Lincoln's bedroom on a tray.

But alas, it was not meant to be. And so, the PUMAs pace, all the while biding their time unable to bond with the anointed one.

Now lo and behold, the Republicans offer a bone. A comely female pure and true, politically charged with no less than an entire state at her command! Wafting estrogen permeates the air, its charge so electrical the packs' downy hairs stand straight on end.

"This is who you've been waiting for," cry the Republicans, "What a grand example of femalehood and she is yours, all yours for the taking."

If the kingdom's pundits are to be believed, the PUMAs pounce, jumping ship from the callous party who ripped the fibers from their very souls. Instinctively, they greet the comely mistress, abandoning the sisterhood of traveling pantsuits lying crumbled in a heap of ruined dreams. They shall embrace her as one of their own, heaving high above their shoulders her glorious promise of future prosperity. She alone shall ride the crest of their fallen hearts. For she, this maiden savior, is their one true hope, their battering ram to height of promise. She alone will lead them to coveted hallowed grounds with open arms and glad tidings of joy.

Only their proud new mistress is not alone. She has hitched a ride on the coattails of a haughty prancing steed.

And in that brief instant, as they eye the prancing steed, the PUMAs see the comely mistress as she truly is. A lowly handmaiden to the bellowing behemoth disguising its maverick airs in a cloak of conservatism. She is female, yes, and politically charged, 'tis true, but in the time it takes to bat an eye, the PUMAs see beyond the estrogen, the comeliness, and her bewitching wiles. Their glassy eyes fill with terror as the yokes of bondage with which the pageant beauty queen wishes to enslave come clearly into view.

No right to choose.

No equal parity with pay.

No sons or daughters exiting Iraq.

No stopping the erosion of Fourteenth Amendment rights.

The PUMAs flee in horror, tails squarely between their legs. They have seen the cloak of conservatism like a bolt of lightening across the dead of night. The comely female is nothing more than a shapely facade harboring shackles of their putrid past. The noble PUMAs have fought too hard, too long to throw each hard-earned victory to the wind.

The pageant beauty queen may break through the glass ceiling, but at what price, the PUMAs muse. They are too smart, too wise to speak the answer aloud.

Hungry and starved as they may be to break through the glass ceiling of oppression, they lick their wounds and return to whence they came. Among the faithful, they reluctantly embrace the anointed. Safe in the bosom of political principles supporting the foundation on which they stand. After all, their once fearless leader did give her scared blessing to the cause.

The sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits may now lie in tatters, but one day it too shall rise. Perhaps not in the form they once envisioned, but with politically charged estrogen, that much is clear. On that day, the PUMAs shall resurrect the pantsuits on their terms, on principles they hold near and dear, by one who is truly of their own kind.

Not a crock of conservatism cloaking an unwieldy steed.

*party unity my ass

Madonna's an Old Fart, Sheridan Bolton have No Heart, and HBO Series 'Entourage' Gets Off to a Great Start

Between last week and this week, life went horribly awry. Both the dryer and the upstairs toilet broke, leaving a small army's worth of smelly towels and rugs. Got a sunburn to die for while recuperating from a face first dive beneath the sea. Slam went the boogie board as my nose followed bloodied and bruised. Oh, and there's no justice in America. Try sitting in a courtroom all day pleading for mercy only to have the stinking judge throw the book and kitchen sink at one very misguided relative. Despite my best intentions to make this a daily, once again, it's the weekly Wrap of Crap.

Madonna kicks off Sticky and Sweet Tour - Photo courtesy of Socialitelife
Sticky and sweet may have deeper significance for popfart Madonna. Explicitly lewd love letters and photographs expressing her penchant for spanking may be part of a February exhibition entitled "Simply Madonna: Materials of the Girl." From the same slut who brought us the offensively raunchy coffee table book SEX, comes the threat of legal action if former lover Jame Albright puts her oh so private materials on display.

Oh hooray. Speaking of Madonna, we can all stop worrying about her very public feud with Sir Elton John. It's over. The Goodbye Yellow Brick Road crooner was spotted along with musician Bono enthusiastically clapping at her Sticky and Sweet performance in Nice, France.

It's deja vu all over again. Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have once again called it quits. The couple dated for five years before ending their relationship in 1997, then became engaged in March, 2006. Seems to me like a revolving door of domestic tranquility with someone balking at walking down the aisle.

Los Angeles based 220 Laboratories is suing actress Kate Hudson for revealing its secret hair care ingredient to competitor David Babaii. Hudson allegedly made a verbal agreement to promote the company's line of products before letting the cat out of the bag. A representative for Hudson denies all accusations.

By now, everyone knows about the trials and tribulations of "Valkyrie," the expected Christmas Day turkey. Twelve extras are suing Tom Cruise and his production company United Artists for $11 million, alleging negligence and personal injury. The cast members suffered broken bones, cuts, pulled ligaments and bruises when the side panel of an antique German army truck flew open. Plaintiffs' lawyer claims the truck had not been properly secured. Might explain why Cruise and former business partner Paula Wagner recently parted ways.

He knows they're out there. That's probably why The X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny entered a rehab facility for treatment of a sex addiction. Never mind whatever threats of divorce may or may not have been made by fellow actor and wife, Tea Leoni. Both parties have pleaded for privacy during this extremely painful time for their family.

Fans who attended Neil Diamond's Ohio State University concert on Monday, August 25th may request a refund from now until September 5th. The "Sweet Caroline" singer suffered acute laryngitis, making his voice sound raspy during the performance.

The Broadway production of Grease will get another infusion of American Idol lubricant. Season 5 performer Ace Young will play Kenickie from September 9th through January 18th, joining the cast just as Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks exits his role as teen angel.

Illegal downloads will land you in jail. Honestly, they're not worth it. At the very least, don't be like this poor sap. If you ever need a deterrent, look at the FBI turning the life of 27-year old Kevin Cogill upside down. The blogger, who is suspected of streaming songs from the unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, must pay a $10,000 fine and appear for a September 17th preliminary hearing to answer charges of felony copyright infringement.

Attention all tweeny boppers and the parents who lavish them with love and affection. Verizon Wireless and Samsung are running a contest with the top prize of a Bahamas vacation with The Jonas Brothers. For details, visit the official site.

The HBO hit series Entourage will team up in a big way with Virgin America. From now until the end of September, flights from New York to Las Vegas will be renamed "Entourage Air." Lucky fans on the September 4th flight will receive free swag and get to watch the premiere. The airline will also rename their first class seating "Entourage Class."

Nice Article on Isaac Hayes

Coincidence is a funny thing. A friend lent me the entire series of "Stargate SG1" and I've been working my way through all 10 seasons. I'm nearing the end of season 8 and over the last couple of nights the guest star on the episodes I've watched has been none other than Isaac Hayes, playing a venerable Jaffa leader.

I didn't notice the credit so when he appeared on the screen I did a double take. Who-da-thunk! Isaac Hayes guest starring on one of my favorite Sci-Fi shows.

Anyway, I also came across this nice article about Isaac: Theme from Shaft

A culture is only as great as its dreams, and its dreams are dreamed by artists. — Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard

We're Not in Monopoly Any More

Gawkers and rubberneckers have a field day. Queen's bishop calls for paparazzi moratorium.

Jodie Marsh Hogs Red Carpet Roundup

Fourth Judge Kara DioGuardi appears at a promotional event for American Idol - photo courtesy of AP/Jason DeCrowA fourth judge will join American Idol when the program returns in January, 2009. Kara DioGuardi appeared in New York for a promotional event with fellow judges Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell, and Randy Jackson. According to producer Simon Fuller, the format change is supposed to bring "a new level of energy and excitement to the show."

Cast of Burn After Reading lines up at Venice Film FestivalThe 65th Annual Venice Film Festival kicked off with a screening of "Burn After Reading," a dark comedy from the madcap Coen Brothers featuring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton, and Frances McDormand. The farcical spy movie is one of only five American entries competing for the Golden Lion, the Festival's top honor for best picture. Organizers blame fallout from last year's writers strike.

Brendan Fraser with fans at Sydney Premiere of Mummy 3 - Photo courtesy AP/Rob GriffithBrendan Fraser greeted fans at the premiere of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in Sydney, Australia. The movie, starring Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello, John Hannah, Michelle Yeoh and Aussie actor Luke Ford, opens down under on September 11th.

Jodie Marsh gives herself a hug at the UK premiere of Daylight Robbery - Photo courtesy of Wire ImageDaylight Robbery premiered at the UK's Apollo West End Cinema with reality star Jodie Marsh hogging the limelight. Actually, that's not all she was hogging. The film follows a group of English football fans using the World Cup as a bank robbery cover.

Star power is in full bloom at The Democratic National Convention. Sighted in Denver: Annette Bening, Spike Lee, Kal Penn, Cyndi Lauper, Anne Hathaway, Sheryl Crow, Danny Glover, John Legend, Dave Matthews, Pete Wentz, Ben Affleck, Alan Cumming, Tim Daly, Josh Lucas, Susan Sarandon, Rachel Leigh Cook, and stars of The GRAMMY's Rock The Convention Concert.

American Idol's Ryan Seacrest rings closing bell of NYSE - Photo courtesy of Charlotte ObserverAmerican Idol host Ryan Seacrest rang the New York Stock Exchange closing bell on Tuesday. NYSE Euronext Executive Vice President Larry Leibowitz joined Seacrest for the final gavel. Stocks ended mixed on concerns about the path of Hurricane Gustav, offsetting a better than expected reading on consumer confidence.

24's Marisol Nichols Expecting A Baby Girl!

Actress Marisol Nichols and her husband, director Taron Lexton, are going to have a baby girl!

I once worked with Taron on a shoot, he's one of the most pleasant directors I've ever worked with. Congrats to both of them!

Check out this nice photo and article about Marisol's baby shower on people.com: Marisol's baby shower.

A culture is only as great as its dreams, and its dreams are dreamed by artists. — Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard

Transsexual Will Compete on America's Next Top Model

On September 3rd, America's Next Top Model will showcase fourteen young ladies in the competition of a lifetime. The usual suspects return for a two hour premiere to kick off the grueling reality program. Girls will eat together, sleep together, and compete together, all before a television audience.

As always, one lucky contestant will win a lucrative cosmetics deal, Elite Model Management contract, and Seventeen Magazine cover. This season, the competition was especially fierce. Thousands turned out in cities all over America for a handful of coveted spots. Tyra Banks called contestant Isis "Amazing!" Other people call her something entirely different.

A former man.

From the show that brought us transvestite, autistic, lesbian, and plus-size women comes the last bit of barrier breaking. Transsexuals. Can a woman trapped in a man's body subsequently transformed into a woman convince Tyra Banks that she deserves the top prize? More importantly, is the show selecting these young women as part of a drive toward political correctness or to increase TV ratings?

There is something bothersome about a thin but not especially striking transsexual winning an exclusive spot over thousands of other women who applied to be on the show. Some applaud her selection as ground breaking, taking risks other programs not dare for fear of negative backlash. Others believe these castings are nothing more than exploitation, a way to parade around people with unusual characteristics like a circus freak show.

How do you feel about ANTM allowing a transsexual to compete on Cycle 11?

Keely Bares Icky, Madonna Tour Sticky, and Phelps Gets Wicky

Keely Shaye Smith goes boogie boarding - Photo courtesy of JustJared

Pierce Brosnan's wife, Keely Shaye Smith, gets tongues wagging by going boogie boarding in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny very mismatched blue bikini.

Director Christopher Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman in his next Batman movie may already come with a lifetime supply of whips and masks. Rumor has it that Cher is in negotiations to join the tentatively titled "Caped Crusader" film which begins shooting in Vancouver early next year.

France's new First Lady may be with child. Speculation is running rampant after paparazzi photographed President Nicolas Sarkozy affectionately patting Carla Bruni's rounded tummy during a seaside vacation.

Celebrate the Sweet 16 of Miley Cyrus at Disneyland this October. Be the first of 5,000 outrageously ga-ga fans to splurge $250 a ticket, and you too can party like a teenage rock star. Tickets go on sale August 30th at 9 a.m.

Madonna strikes a sexy pose on her Sticky and Sweet World Tour - Photo courtesy of Mad News
Sticky and sweet doesn't do justice to these photographs from Madonna's new world tour. The 50-year old pop sensation still has the moves of a woman half her age. Go Madge!

Could Jennifer Love Hewitt be getting cold feet? After shedding 18 pounds, the Ghost Whisperer star postponed her wedding to Sottish fiance Ross McCall, claiming different shooting schedules caused a strain on their relationship.

A hospital reportedly run by Celebrity Rehab star Dr. Drew Pinsky is under investigation. Within the past five months, three patients have died under mysterious conditions at the Pasadena facility.

To kick off Rock The Vote's voter registration drive, singer Sheryl Crow will give away digital copies of her new album Detours to the first 50,000 people who register three friends to vote. People who log on to the Rock the Vote website or join the group mailing list can also get a free download of her new song, Gasoline.

Michael Phelps and Stephanie Rice were caught making out at the Beijing Olympics - Photo courtesy of Perth Now
Before the Olympics wrapped, there was Olympic freestyle. Or maybe it was doggie style. No joke. Read all the sordid details direct from an Olympic insider.

Sure, everyone wanted to see photographs of Fred Phelps, estranged father of Olympic superstar Michael Phelps. But now comes word that Michael bought a multi-million dollar Baltimore condominium, snagged a book deal, AND is snogging fellow Olympian, the "racy Aussie dolphin" Stephanie Rice. Bet Fred must be kicking himself about now.

Jason Lee is a dad again

Actor Jason Lee and model Ceren Alkac just announced the arrival of their daughter, born August 10th. The happy couple announced the event but not the little girl's name.

Jason gained the reputation for extreme child naming when, in 2003, he named his son after the opening track of the "Granddaddy" album "The Sophtware Slump". The boy is called Pilot Inspektor. Let's just hope the little girl gets a more conventional name.

Related articles:
- My Name Is Earl's Jason Lee Welcomes a Girl
- Jason Lee's Name Is Dad Again

A culture is only as great as its dreams, and its dreams are dreamed by artists. — Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard

Gwen Stefani Gives Birth and Other Mundane Celebrity Gossip

This feature is sometimes known as Mo' Gossip.

Gwen Stefanie and Gavin Rossdale welcome Zuma Nesta Rock to the family Photo courtesy of Gavin Rossdale blog
Zuma Nesta Rock joins big bro, Kingston James McGregor as the second son of rockers Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale. Stefani gave birth by C-section early Thursday afternoon at Cedars Sinai Medical Hospital in Los Angeles. Although Nesta sounds like a nod to reggae great Bob Marley, the game loving Kingston actually may have helped name the new addition.

"The accusation is dangerous, defamatory and blatantly untrue. Victoria takes her position as a role model to young women very seriously and is horrified by this hurtful, fabricated story." So says Posh Spice's agent Jo Milloy amidst published reports that the diminuitive pop diva and fashion goddess secretly indulges in diet pills smuggled by her sister to stay a slim size zero. Beckham is considering legal action against British tabloid Now Magazine.

Don't get the wrong idea, gossip hounds. Woody Allen ingenue Scarlett Johansson is delaying her marriage to actor Ryan Reynolds until after the presidential election. Twin brother Hunter is so busy working on Barack Obama's campaign, the couple has decided to wait until his calendar is clear.

Fans left The Tyra Banks Show in a huff. The brains behind America's Next Top Model let her audience wait for almost two hours while she shot the breeze with staff and friends behind stage. During the taping she made the audience go outside to release balloons in honor of black models. Seems no one was in much of a mood to comply.

Yep. That's it. Sorry so short, but time constraints on this end. Tune in again for the daily Wrap of Crap.

Barack Obama Has Chosen A Running Mate

The skinny guy with big ears has picked a running mate. Only he and a very exclusive group of "need-to-knows" possess the privately held extremely secure top secret information.

Dare I hint that perhaps moi has the inside track? Does "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you" ring any cliches?

Wouldn't you like to know?

As people hanging their hats on McCain's experience, Republicans sticking with the party no matter what, and pinch hitters of every other allegiance dance with glee over the latest poll results, Senator Barack Obama is quietly building a media storm. The swirl has become overwhelming. Like a gaggle of hungry paparazzi, hordes of reporters tail not only Obama's every move, but every move of suspected running mates. It's hard not to get caught up in the frenzy.

Imagine the unfolding scenario.

In a smoke-filled room at Presumptive Democrat Nominee Headquarters behind closed doors, a high level casting call has been made. That Campaign Obama was able to conduct the selection process without anyone getting wind of it is an amazing feat in and of itself.

"Send in the one with the estrogen, we need a woman on the ticket!"

"Nah. Won't command enough respect. Talked too much about out of body experiences. Next!"

"Liking the one with thirty-five years of Congressional experience. He's our man. Definitely! Has to be him. What? He lost brownie points during his last photo shoot with our star? Lacks chemistry? Next!"

Virginia Governor Tim Kaine is certainly playing his cards close to the vest. When asked whether he would be traveling to Springfield, Illinois for Obama's official announcement of a running mate, Kaine responded that he and his family would be traveling to Denver for the Democrat National Convention.

But when asked whether his flight might have a layover in middle America, Kaine just smiled and let the cameras flash away.

The surge is working. At a roasted peanut store in Emporia, Virginia, Obama running mate buzz is working over the MSM like a viral vid. People are scrambling to join the short list of those who will learn Obama's choice by text message prior to the Springfield announcement.

How much prior? The campaign isn't saying. But the ploy is marketing genius. Guaranteed, it's all anyone in the media will talk about until the text message is leaked. Exactly what the campaign is counting upon.


For the record, no one is stalking moi. But maybe they should be. I'm not at liberty to explain why. But in less than twenty-four hours, it won't matter.

Then we can all get back to the business of electing a president.

Update: Congratulations, Senator Joe Biden of Delaware. Obama couldn't have picked a stronger party candidate.

That's One Coyote Ugly Beehive

Third Annual Hot in Hollywood Charity Benefit debuts with an ugly beehive

Oh my Lord, will someone please explain what Wynonna Judd was thinking?!

That outfit has to be one of the ugliest couture gowns ever known to mankind. Where on earth did she find it? In the trash can at Loehmans?

I'm not just saying this to rag on the anorexically-challenged, but the Amy Winehouse motif is not very flattering. Sorry, but that look only works for skinny nothing crack whores ... people like ... uh .... Amy Winehouse. The Reject of Rehab's beehive and smoldering cigarette are so out of place on Wynonna.

On the other hand, Wy is looking way toned, don't you think. Definitely an improvement...

...if you can overlook the hideous two-toned platforms.

And realize the "gal" on stage is actually actor Jason Biggs performing a la transvestite at the Third Annual Hot in Hollywood charity benefit. The event raises money for the AIDS Healthcare Foundation in Los Angeles.

Buh-bye, Miss American Pie.

Loudmouth Roseanne Thinks Jon Voight Endorsement Controls Outcome of Election

Roseanne Barr is back to being crazy bashing Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and Jon Voight - Photo courtesy of Las Vegas Advisor
Roseanne Barr was once so famous she didn't need a last name.

The once rotund TV star made her way into all the best restaurants, exclusive night clubs, luxury hotel suites, and fabulous parties just by mentioning her highly rated sitcom, Roseanne. The comedienne formerly known as "Domestic Goddess" had no need to be concerned with other "Rosies" of that era.

Roseanna Arquette, a similarly sounding supernova, had a popular song named after her and an extra "a" thrown in for good measure (not that Big Bertha and the comely Arquette shared anything remotely in common). The next possible contender was a hilarious figment of Gilda Radner's imagination, leaving a wide open field for anyone wanting to grab the moniker as their own.

And grab she did, longingly, loudly, greedily, and above all obnoxiously. Practically everyone knew the women's name whenever conspicuous consumption of food preceded emissions of a slightly nasal twang.

I'd be hard pressed to think of other famous Roseannes, but you're welcome to try. Bear in mind that Rosie O'Donnell didn't land her breakout role in A League of Their Own until 1992, while Roseanne peaked at number one by 1989.

Lucy, Elvis, Twiggy, Donovan, Cher, Liberace, Oprah, Madonna, Dolly, Iman, these were the one-word name chic pioneers of the day. Paving the way for upstarts like Roseanne to one day assume the mantel. Lord knows throughout the years she's given everyone their money's worth. Starting with the raunchy stand-up routine leading to a nationally syndicated TV show and one-way ticket out of white trash hell, Roseanne has been huge, both figuratively and literally.

At a time when Hollywood had little use for women the size of Shelley Winters, her massive girth set mouths agape. Hardly anyone thought Hollywood would embrace such a morbidly obese loudmouth. Yet time and time again, Roseanne proved them wrong. By playing wife and mother to a mid-western family as that family would likely exist in the late 1980s, Rosie and co-star John Goodman shattered long-held beliefs of the modern American family, swiftly consigning images of the perfect family from earlier shows like Leave It to Beaver and Father Knows Best to a bygone time.

But Roseanne paid a price for all that candor. Part of her charm was telling it like it is, not the way network executives wanted to whitewash it. Tempers flared, writers quit, and eventually the show was cancelled, perhaps a year or two before its time. But none too soon for network hoohas who couldn't wait for the 800 pound gorilla in the room to leave the building.

Since then, for the most part, Roseanne's career has veered steadily downhill, resting at almost a complete standstill. Her personal life didn't fare much better. After divorcing first husband Bill Pentland and bringing newcomer Tom Arnold into the fold, she embarked upon a series of disgustingly inappropriate talk show appearances, sometimes with Arnold in tow, sometimes not, but always going too far in the "Ewwwwww, I can't believe she just said/did that" department. The marriage flopped after four years. She then married Ben Thomas, her security guard, but that marriage lasted only seven.

Perhaps one of Roseanne's more notorious faux pas was making an idiotic spectacle of herself at a San Diego Padres game opener.

You can't see it in this video, but she clutches her own crotch, makes an offensive gesture, and spits on the ground at the end. Again, hordes of people couldn't wait to see her exit stage left.

This brief history of the mammoth one -- who by the way underwent gastric bypass surgery and finally slimmed down to a very palatable size 10 -- is due to recent reactions against the inexplicable political tirade posted on her personal blog. Many again sit with mouths agape reading her scathing attack against actors Jon Voight, Glen Beck, Brangelina and six innocent children.

Believe it or not, I sort of understand where she's coming from. Roseanne is frustrated For days, the pundits have been making the presidential election about poll numbers rather than policy. Depending upon the polling institution, McCain is pulling ahead of Obama in some scattered areas throughout the country. News like that has got to make a person like Roseanne flip-out. Pitiful shame too because poll results are notoriously unreliable.

The way I see it, her infamous blog entry will forever confirm Roseanne's permanent place in la-la land. Then again, I can't say I blame her. She only did what millions of bloggers across the globe do each morning in the hope of reaching a mass audience. Granted, as a famous one word name former TV star, she has somewhat of a head start. Roseanne is not much different than the rest of us armchair pundits, kicking out thought provoking rants and hoping for link love.

'The neocons who own jon voight and make him dance on the chabad telethons are the worst most elitist people on earth. glen beck and jon voight are their bit**es... both of them are used tampons who must be flushed down the toilet immediately!' she rants like a foaming lunatic.

Addressing Brangelina on the fly, she adds, '...McCain wants to continue with the idea of war for profit...the americans are over that thinking now! They have drugged our troops and lower classes into supporting their oil business atrocities for long enough. We want to save not lose our souls thank you. Now go back to making your movies about women who love to handle big guns that shoot hundreds of people to death. Ps....it might be good for your asian and african children's self esteem to know you support a brown man for the leader of the free world.)'

Jon Voight must be rubber and Roseanne glue. From what I can glean, she's the only one suffering any humiliation from her brief foray into insanity.

I don't like the way she browbeats Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, using their multi-cultural family as bait, but then it doesn't surprise me. If I recall correctly, Roseanne was one of the first people in Hollywood to ridicule cross-race adoptions. Probably around the time Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman adopted their son, Roseanne made a crude remark about the adoption of "black babies" as status symbol.

To his credit, Voight issued a tame public rebuttal. Now if we all sit very quietly holding our collective breath, the former domestic goddess may just slither away and reoccupy her place away from the limelight for another ten years.


Silly Haikus With Slice of Celebrity Gossip

Every now and then, a circuit trips. A glitch in the well-oiled machine. We interrupt this celebrity politics blog for a quick trip to the gas pump and massive replenishing of the wallet. In the meantime, enjoy my mental breakdown.

Good gawd, look at you
Somebody finally snapped
Blue is your color

Perez Hilton needs to share the spotlight before someone goes mad

No idea whether this facockte shockwave will load in your browser. Thrown in for good measure. Cheers!

Hey girlfriend, you rock
Kiss kiss. Paris sends regrets
That's so yesterday

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Let the Sunshine in
Oh wait, she walked out the door
You can still save face

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Sadly, after three years of dating and less than eight weeks of marriage, SNL alum Chris Kattan and model Sunshine Tutt are on a hard break. Can they find a way back to happily ever after? Guess it's back to the salt mines.

Cancer-Free Christina : )

Christina Applegate is 100% clear of cancer! The Samantha Who actress had a double mastectomy three weeks ago to completely kill the disease. Her reasoning, she tested positive for the breast cancer gene BRCA1. Appearing on Good Morning America this morning, she described her emotions as this, "Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I scream, and I get really angry and I get really into wallowing in self-pity sometimes, and I think it’s all part of healing."

She will be going through reconstructive surgery for the next eight months in which she says, "I'm gonna have cute boobs till I'm 90."

Photo Credit: WireImage

- Erin Dustin

Wow, Can We Say Muscles?

Dear Zacky,

Where you been hiding those big guns?



Photo Credit: WireImage

Team Audrina

Last night kicked off the season 4 premiere of The Hills and there were no dull moments.

Looove Whitney, Doug's a hottie, Lauren's always the peacemaker, (at least she's trying) as far as Audrina and Lo's friendship goes, opposites don't attract this time, still can't stand Heidi and Spencer, um and how big is Lo, LC and Audrina's house?!

From the Laguna days to this, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna have to take Audrina's side on this one. Sorry Lo.

Looks like this season won't disappoint!

Photo Credit: WireImage

- Erin Dustin

Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama Supporters to Steal This Video

Gwyneth Paltrow is putting her weight, what little of it there is, firmly behind the Democrats by urging those abroad to request overseas ballot.

Clearly, Paltrow is endorsing presumptive nominee Barack Obama, although Vote From Abroad.org does not require Democrat affiliation as a prerequisite for obtaining a ballot.

Presumably, any registered overseas voter can request an absentee ballot, increasing the likelihood that Paltrow's video will do nothing more than create a wash. Republican counter-voting is a likely possibility of publication. I'm sure there are more.

What exactly will the Democrats gain through promotion of the video? A good feeling inside? Reaffirmed self-esteem? A chance to lose by thin margins?

Speaking of pain with no gain, Paltrow is taking a beating on a different front these days. The Director of Respect for Animals, Mark Glover, made mincemeat of her decision to promote Italian designer Tod's new collection. Poor little rich girl appeared in the designer's new advertising campaign totally pimped out in fox fur and fur lined-boots.

"Gwyneth Paltrow should be ashamed," laments Glover. "I can only assume that Paltrow either is ignorant of the facts or lacks human decency and compassion."

I've got my money on the former. Any day from now, Paltrow will issue a sketchy press release suggesting the designer constructed her particular garments from recyclable plastic. That or she was too busy saving her marriage to be concerned with the piddly details.

Wouldn't be surprised in the least if a rabid protester drenches her overseas ballot in pigs' blood before she gets a chance to make it count.

Jonas Brothers Spark White House Fever and Wax Probing

Imagine you're a member of the White House Press Corps, ready to rumble your otherwise humdrum existence with a vetting of the President's Press Secretary when suddenly a gaggle of teen magazine and entertainment news reporters descend upon the room, complete with teeny-boppers in tow.

Many of the over thirty crowd had no idea who had rolled into town. But don't count sexagenarian Dick Cheney among them. The colorful V.P. brought his grandchildren to work yesterday for the chance to meet The Jonas Brothers, one of the hottest musical acts in America.

Can you guess which fans smell of oil holdings and hunting rifles?

Fans pose with The Jonas Brothers at the White House Press Corps - Photo courtesy of Fox 5 News

Fans pose with The Jonas Brothers at the White House Press Corps - Photo courtesy of Fox 5 News

Neither can I. But that never stopped me from ridiculing blatant nepotism.

Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas arrived in the nation's capital to attend a public briefing on diabetes and tape a National Parks public service announcement. White House officials later ushered the band into a downstairs area to sign a little known wall of with celebrity autographs.

Well look at that. The most powerful men in the free world get star struck just like the rest of us. Only difference is they can scratch their inner stalker any time with a trip to the underground Grauman's Chinese Theatre Mini-Me. Try constructing something like that in your basement.

Joe Jonas seemed especially humbled to add his signature to the prestigious collection of celebrity ink scratchings.

"There's other names up there that are just astounding, some of our favorite artists and politicians," he said. "But it's going to be really cool to see that in 10 years, 20 years from now."

Watch raw footage of The Jonas Brothers news conference here

From there, it was on to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum for the unveiling of their "yummy dummies." Fans hungrily groped the fakes long after the boys made their exit.

In and around Washington, lucky bystanders took advantage of the opportunity to rub elbows with the Camp Rock stars.

The Jonas Brothers pose with wax replicas at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in Washington, D.C. - Photo courtesy of Getty Images/Paul Morigi and E!Online

Just goes to show when it comes to fashion, these guys could still use some styling. If not for the matching wedding singer shoes, I'd be willing to bet it was the doppelganger gripping the mike.



Every time I see signs for Sierra Mist, I laugh. It is because "mist" in German slang means "[something] with terrible quality".


This person probably think his/er tattooed means "lotus", but that depends how it is read.

In Japanese, it means "burden".


I was showing a visiting friend parts of northern Arizona over the weekend, when we encountered this young lady at Sedona.

She probably has no clue what the three characters on her t-shirt meant, nor the fact there are mirrored.

Update: August 24, 2008 - Reader BH pointed out that Sinful is a brand of women apparel & this particular shirt is available for US$40.

Selena Gomez Rocks Ur Vote Counts

TV star Selena Gomez urges young people to register to vote at Ur Vote Counts

I never thought I'd be writing something like this, but praise gawd for teen activists like Selena Gomez. The spirited sprite can't even vote in November, but already is making herself useful by assisting Ur Vote Counts in Glendale, California.

Selena Gomez at Ur Vote Counts

Gomez mingled with the "little people," allowing fans to snap pictures as she doled out autographs. Gomez hoped to inspire children to become more politically active by her example.

Brooke Hogan Sets Women's Movement Back One Hundred Years

Brooke Hogan in bikini at the beach

Brooke Hogan has a lot to answer for these days. Either producers forced her to say something mind-numbingly stupid to spark better ratings, or this clown is the most bubble-headed semi-celebrity roaming the planet.

Of course I feel sorry for the girl, what with her brother being in jail and her parents' rancorous marriage caput, but for the love of all things mom and apple pie, does she have to single-handedly set the Women's Rights Movement back one hundred years?

I mean, look at her own blog.

If Blondy wants to concentrate on more important things in her life, like shopping for Prada and getting a manicure rather than investigating platforms of our presidential candidates, that's perfectly fine with me. Women like Hogan should remain barefoot and pregnant, letting other people make decisions for them because, like she said, such women aren't be capable of making intelligent decisions for themselves.

Obviously, Hogan doesn't get out very much and must have a very low opinion of herself.

Baltimore Pride Shines Brightly for Mighty Michael Phelps

Every day, the local rag screams another headline, each progressively larger in typeset and accompanying illustrative fist pump.

"Phelps' Voyage"



Local TV station WBAL is saturated in Michael Mania. All night long, the station broadcasts little else but the latest Bob Costas interview interspersed with Phelps' one one-hundredth of a second squeaker. Ratings trackers estimate market share near the level of a Super Bowl or American Idol finale. That's an awful lot of Pigtown TVs tuned to Channel 11.

Perhaps nothing is more testament to the electricity in the hot sticky than last Saturday's capacity crowd waiting overtime for a glimpse of his historic last relay. If ever a sea of purple demonstrated love for a hometown hero, those cheering faces on the giant screen said it all.

Do we feel betrayed by Phelps' prior move to Michigan? Naw. We all knew he was Baltimore bred and buttered. Phelps said himself that he misses the corny dialect and sidewalk establishments throughout town. Take for instance the little known breakfast establishment in the video. Can anyone still find a corner breakfast tavern like that in a big metropolitan city? Phelps shares that level of love with so many other Baltimoreans. Attached at the hip. Not ready to cut the cord.

Learning the news about Phelps and his coach moving back to the area was like absorbing a sudden bolt of lightening. Unexpected and shocking, yet strangely fascinating. Like being locked in a grip of connectedness no one quite understands and generally tries to avoid, but somehow loving every minute of it.

For a short time, Baltimore will not be the same. I don't think this town is ready for the inevitable crush of media. Ironman Cal Ripken, hometown hero that he is, is sensational and mind-numbingly popular, but I'm sure he never endured the deluge of reporters ready to descend on Phelps. Michael Phelps stands alone in athletic greatness. Ripken is more national superstar. Phelps: World phenomenon.

Some say Phelps' accomplishments this year in Beijing will be near impossible to duplicate. Increased competition, better training, better strides in swimwear as well as other factors will work in tandem, lessening the possibility for eight medals in a single Olympics.

So, at the tender age of 23, Michael Phelps may well have achieved something future generations will not. Knowing how Baltimore has buzzed about little else for a full week, I can only imagine the weight his broad shoulders now carry. He may be used to occupying the spotlight, but it may have never burned as brightly.

Let's hope Phleps can keep his meteoric rise in perspective. Lord knows, Charm City can't.

G.W. Bailey and the Sunshine Kids

G.W. Bailey: “One smile now is worth a million tears that you may have to shed in the future.”

You might not recognize his name, but as soon as you hear his voice or see his picture, you'll know exactly who this talented actor is. Perhaps you know him from his most famous role as Lieutenant Harris in the famous and hilarious Police Academy films. Or you may know him as Sgt. Rizzo on M*A*S*H (one of my favorite sitcoms ever), or perhaps you’re watching him in his most recent role as Det. Lt. Provenza on The Closer or you’ve seen him in one of the numerous other television shows and movies that he’s been in throughout his long acting career.

What you may not know is for more than two decades, G.W. Bailey has also been part of the “Sunshine Kids” organization, an organization dedicated to helping children with cancer by providing them with exciting, positive group activities, so they can do what kids are supposed to do -- have fun! And it all started because of his goddaughter, Brandy Aldridge.

At 12 years old, Brandy was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia -- a combination of both Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML), which is a fast-growing cancer of the blood and bone marrow and Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL), a cancer of the white blood cells that fight infections. Suffering with her disease was bad enough, but Brandy suffered from isolation. While her healthy teenaged friends were in school, the mall and out and about with friends, Brandy couldn’t go out or could only go with a mask so she didn’t risk infection. Brandy, thanks to a fortunate set of circumstances, was invited on a Sunshine Kids trip, before G.W.’s involvement with the organization. It changed her life.

G.W.: It completely changed her and how she approached her disease. She made friends and really came out of her shell. It was fantastic to watch and we were very close, so she sent me a tape of an ABC sports special on the trip and I was so amazed and inspired by it. When they had a summer trip just for families, she asked me to come to it -- I was her quasi-famous B-movie star uncle because of Police Academy. So I said “Ok, I can only come for a day, I’m so busy.” And I went for the day, and that’s about 24 years ago, and I’ve been doing it ever since.

What happened that day?

G.W.: The trip was in Colorado and when I got there, they were at the volunteer fire department. The fire department was doing a big party for them and I walked in. I had seen Brandy with cancer and been to the hospital and seen a few other kids with cancer, but I’d never seen 30 kids with cancer all in one place. Quite frankly, I turned around, I was there about three or four minutes, and I turned around and went back to my car, and cried. The impact of seeing all those kids cut up and bald, you know, going through what they were going through, and then having such a fabulous time, it just amazed me.

G.W. was so amazed that after the event he flew to Houston to meet with the founder of the organization, Rhoda Tomasco, who was working as a volunteer in the pediatric cancer unit of a hospital in Houston, Texas when she started the group. G.W. wanted to help to replicate the program on a national scale.

G.W.: The power, to me, is having all these kids together. Rhoda allowed me to do a trip to Hollywood, California for them.

G.W. became a volunteer for the organization, helping to raise funds and organize trips for the children. Today, the Sunshine Kids have three branch offices, hold 12 national trips, and have an annual budget of more than $3 million dollars.

G.W.: And it all came from that little girl.

How do you get past the emotion of what you see?

G.W.: To be quite honest with you, sometimes I have a much greater problem with the suffering than I do with the death. I’ve been in hospitals and it’s just unbelievable what radiation has done to them. It’s medieval sometimes. It’s very difficult philosophically, spiritually, religiously, it’s very difficult for me to understand why anybody has to be in pain, especially a child.

We have a volunteer (Andy Sacks, a producer on The Closer) who, for the last few years has done magnificent work for us. The first time we lost a kid that Andy had gotten to know very well, he had a very tough time and he wouldn’t mind me talking about this, because it’s important for people to know what the process is. He had a very tough time. And he questioned, he actually questioned whether or not he could continue to do it. You know, he wasn’t sure that he was going to be able to continue working with kids like this.

I said to him, “Okay, take your grieving time and then you go back to the pictures you have, and you go to the website and look at those pictures, or you call Houston and have them send you some more pictures, whatever it takes. You get pictures of that boy, and you look at the smiles. And I know this sounds sort of sentimental and all that, but it all comes down to the smiles. That’s our job. Our job is to make sure whatever time we have with them, a week at a time, we have a continuing relationship, whatever it is, whatever it grows to be, it’s all based on quality of life, joy, and that is exemplified through smiles. If they’re smiling, that’s what matters. And if you helped bring that smile, that is so much bigger than your grief. One smile is worth a million tears that you may have to shed in the future.”

G.W. worked as a volunteer for 15 years and became Executive Director of the Sunshine Kids in 2001. Since creating the California Fun-Time Fantasy in 1988, he oversees the national events and works with hundreds of young cancer patients annually. How do you fit all of this in with your schedule?

G.W.: I still go on as many trips as I can, I meet as many kids as I can, but it’s ultimately my responsibility to oversee the organization, to make sure our strategic plan, as adopted by our board of directors, is carried out, that our employees are productive, and they have their own responsibilities that they’re meeting those responsibilities. I live, like anybody else in the business, I live on emails, fax machines, telephone, FedEx…So my job is to make sure that our activities reflect what our budget can offer, and we have a tremendous director of children’s activities who does that.

What can we do?

Contact our national office or one of our regional offices and they will put you in touch with a gentleman named Tank who will send a volunteer form that we have to have on record, an application-type thing. And then it becomes where you live exactly and if you are near a hospital that we work (The Sunshine Kids work with approximately 70 hospitals across the United States). If you’re not near one of our hospitals, you can send a donation.

I lost my husband to cancer (Hodgkin‘s disease), but can’t imagine losing a child…

G.W.: One of our greatest patrons and friends and supporters, while he was alive, was Brandon Tartikoff, who died of Hodgkin’s. And Brandon, of course, was President of NBC, and then he became President of Paramount. When you’re the favorite charity of a president of a studio magical things can happen and he was such a wonderful, wonderful man. Ironically, the last time I saw Brandon was in New Orleans. We were doing one of our two major trips to New Orleans, and I was at the airport waiting for the kids coming from L.A. My sidekick in the Police Academy movies was a character named Proctor and he was played by Lance Kinsey, who was on the plane with the kids. Back then, before 9/11, you would go to the runway and wait for those kids to come off the plane.

They were slow to get off the plane and we had a jazz band playing for them. At that time Brandon was coming off the plane with his lovely wife and he was coming down the runway and he was very weak. We embraced when we saw each other, but as sick as he was he waited when he found out these kids were on the plane, so that he could meet them. He passed two weeks later.

Unfortunately, Brandy lost her battle to cancer when she was 17 years old. How do you think she would feel about the work you’ve done with the organization? Would she be surprised how involved you became?

G.W.: We lost her when she was 17 and she was not a shy kid in the least. She always wanted to make a statement. As a matter of fact, she left us on Christmas Eve and we figured she did that to make sure that we never forgot. Believe me, I’m not the only one that she inspired. There are many. There are many that she changed their lives, and had them focus more on what we do. What can I say, I was extraordinarily lucky to know her. That’s all there is to it. I was very, very fortunate to have her crossing my life.

For more information on the Sunshine Kids organization, visit www.sunshinekids.org. Please help by donating or volunteering your time to help out with one of the local or national trips that this organization sponsors.

Tom Cruise In Tropic Thunder- In Theaters Now!

Tom Cruise makes a cameo in the new Ben Stiller comedy Tropic Thunder, in theaters now.

Tom plays this funny over-the-top movie executive, and his performance is blowing away the critics and fans alike. Tom is all made up to the point where you may not even recognize him. I've only heard great things about his performance in the media.

John Stewart said about Tom Cruise (while interviewing Ben Stiller last night on The Daily Show) that:"I feel like converting to Scientology, that's how good he is in this movie!!"

The movie also stars Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, and Nick Nolte.

Click here to see the Tropic Thunder trailer.

A culture is only as great as its dreams, and its dreams are dreamed by artists. — Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard

Ellen DeGeneres to Wed, Jackson Browne Seeing Red, and Lindsay Sharing Bed

You clamoured for mundane celebrity gossip and we're going to give it to you. Another edition of The Weekly Wrap of Crap.

Jackson Browne filed a lawsuit for infringement of copyright against John McCain and the RNC for unauthorized songs running in campaign advertisments - Photo courtesy of Variety
McCain and the RNC finally went too far. Musician Jackson Browne is the latest aggrieved celebrity with a beef against the Senator from Arizona. Browne joins an ever expanding list of celebrities with copyright infringement claims against McCain and the Republican Party, including Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Paris Hilton, ABBA, and John Mellencamp. Ohio RNC chairman Robert Bennett pulled the ad after Browne filed suit in L.A. U.S. District Court.

Contrary to persistent rumors, Madonna is not adopting another child. Or maybe she is. We're so confused. Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg has been known to issue misleading news in the past.

Ben Stiller continues to battle backlash against his latest film Tropic Thunder. But not for the reasons most people suspect. Apparently, Stiller is an equal opportunity offender, placing Caucasian actor Robert Downey, Jr. in black face, and repeatedly using the "r" word to refer to developmentally challenged children.

BET debuts a cross between Keith Olbermann and Bill Maher with a black perspective this Friday at 11 p.m. Entertainment news program The Truth With Jeff Johnson is the latest entry in the political entertainment genre.

It's wedding bells for DeGeneres and de Rossi. Popular talk show host Ellen DeGeneres and fiance Portia de Rossi plan to wed in a same-sex ceremony this weekend.

Get a chance to see what life looks like through the eyes of a famous celebrity. A-list stars donated their eyeglasses for an eBay charity auction benefiting Sightsavers International. Bidding ends on August 24th. Money from the auction will fund the work of the international blindness charity in 33 countries across Africa, Asia and the Caribbean to prevent and cure blindness and support people who are permanently blind or visually impaired. Former spectacle owners include Sir Michael Caine, designer Bruce Oldfield, George Michael, and Ewan McGregor.

Elizabeth Edwards is reportedly anguished over husband John's admitted affair with a campaign aide. Edwards was "unprepared for the amount of disgust and how swiftly everything else he had done in his career would be wiped away, and ... really reeling from that and afraid what it will do to their legacy as a couple and what their children will inherit." Maybe Edwards should have considered the scum sucking fallout before hopping into bed with a flooze.

Check out the "Celebs to Watch Out For" list. Paparazzi, you've been warned.

It's official. Lindsay Lohan confirms sharing a bed with lover Samantha Ronson. Lohan hasn't been with a man since the two started dating. Reportedly Sam has a real calming effect on the former wild child and the two are inseparable. Any relationship helping Lindsay tone down her hard partying ways is a big plus in my eyes.

Weight loss stories sell magazines. Just ask actress Jennifer Love Hewitt. After admonishing the tabloids for shining the spotlight on her cellulite, she encouraged women to be proud of their own bodies whatever shape or size. Now the star of Ghost Whisperer announces dropping 18 pounds in 10 weeks. "I am in a pretty good workout regimen that I like, so it inspired me to keep it up," Hewitt told US Magazine. Her trainer claims she didn't drop the weight to look good in a dress but failed to offer any other plausible motivation.

Jennifer Aniston Stars in Dee Plump-Up

Vat to do ven da hol' vorld votches vit bated breath?

As da fling vit John Mayer vas ending, dis vas dee question plaguing "unlucky een love" Jennifer Aniston.


"Ve are goinck to plump... (clap) ...YOU UP!"

Just days before Aniston's publicist announced the end of her summer fling with John Mayer, Star Magazine snapped a puffy cupids bow peppering her pout. Preparation for the inevitable crush of media, no doubt. What better way to compensate for looks of pity and mocking text messages than with an eye-shocking fakeover?

Makeover? Pshaw! So yesterday. Only pure unadulterated collagen injections will do for the heart-broken pouts of Hollywood.

Saving face must be Aniston's primary concern in the ensuing media frenzy. Circling the wagons, confidant spinmeisters set the record straight over who did the dumping.

It was 'Jen who decided to move on,' says an unreported source. 'She is very fond of John and has thought he might be the one. She finds him funny, sexy and very talented. ... Plus he understands all the aspects of living in a fishbowl. But in the final analysis, she just got tired of his roving eye.'
Whew. That takes a load off my mind. So glad the infidelity precipitating her decision wasn't Mayer's way of taking the easy way out.

But, hey, bursting Aniston's healing bubble wouldn't be cool. Not while she's so obviously tender and vulnerable. Taking solace in being the dumper rather than the dumpee is a far better way of coping than going under the knife.

Why bother when so much of her is already plastic?


George Bush Plays Beach Bum at Beijing Summer Olympics

Mens Volleyball defending champions Todd Rogers and Philip Dalhausser received nicknames from President George Bush while competing in the 2008 Beijing Olympics - Photo courtesy of REUTERS/Phil Noble

"Toddly" and "The Big Guy" win one for "The Dubya."

And in related beach blanket news...

President Bush gives congratulatory pat on the backside to Womens Volleyball winner Misty May-Treanor - Photo courtesy of REUTERS/Larry Downing

"She's my little deuce coupe. You don't know what I got."

Relationships 101 Refresher Course for Jennifer Aniston

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer break up

Whoopsie. We warned Jen not to push too hard. Look at the mess they've made. Time to bring in the vampires. Sure hope she can get her money back on all the place cards and party favors.

Because it's over, folks. Finis. Au revoir. Move along. T'ain't noth'n mo' to see. And no rubber-necking neither.

Not like anyone couldn't see this one coming a mile away.

Love and politics generally don't mix, but this is one time gentle genuflecting could have made a significant difference. Clearly, Jen and John started off very hot and heavy, steamy one might say. For a while, it looked like Aniston might have finally hooked her big fish and started reeling him in.

One minute they looked so cute together, then snap. They're done.

What happened?

Hey, I'm no insider, but I've seen this play before. So many times in fact, I could recite it in my sleep. Boy goes ga-ga. Boy pursues girl. Girl not sure. Girl plays hard to get. Boy plays harder. Boy woos girl. Girl falls in deep. Voila. There they are. Just the two of them. Both in deep. Both feeling the love. Both making the connection. Why would boy pull out?

I have my theories.

Some men are natural players. They're simply not commitment material. Oh, they may come around some day, like when they look in the mirror and see something smelly and wrinkly staring back. That's when they start thinking about family and legacy, and who's going to take care of them when they're sick and tasting like grandpa. But until then, it's all hands on deck. Fast and loose. Strike while the iron is hot. They tomcat around because they can, because they're personable and attractive. They're born lady killers. Inside, these men are trouble. Toy with them if you will, ladies, but don't think about getting a ring. Just whisper, "where is this going" and they're flying out the door. This type of man is fabulous arm candy, an ego booster, and a great escape into guilty pleasures, but not much more.


Some men need a certain kind of woman. They may not be exactly sure who that woman is, like a know it when they see it type of thing, but at least they have good intentions. These are the kind of men who need to lose a woman to know what they're missing. I hate to give this secret away because the truth is I could write a book and probably make a million dollars, but what the hey. Who has time to write a book? I barely have time to blog. So, here it is. The secret. For all the millions of women out there desperately trying to find the man of their dreams...

Move on.

You heard me. Get packing.

When a man and a woman are both in deep and bells are ringing and everything is so smooth the woman can't wait to make mooney eyes over coffee, that's the time to enjoy. Revel. Don't think about a future. Because the minute a woman starts talking rings and commitment, that's the minute this type of man starts planning his escape. He's not sure, he starts to feel boxed in, he wants more time, and before anyone can say "Gyllenspoon" three times fast, he's out of there. Maybe not literally but figuratively, leaving the woman alone and pruney in a big pool of love without a towel.

The only way to keep the bells ringing in that kind of relationship is to live in the moment. At some point, someone will envision a future together and want to talk about it. If it's the man, great. That's the way it should be. Women shouldn't have to chase after men. It just isn't the natural order of the universe.

A woman who isn't holding the cards in a relationship holds nothing. So, if it's the woman who first starts envisioning the future, starts dreaming about it and throwing out less than subtle hints to no avail, it's time for that woman to move on. Make plans. Get out the Rolodex. Oh, still be nice and occasionally take the man's phone calls, but get out. Date other people. Stop showing up at his concerts, that sort of thing.

If it's meant to be, he'll come running after, ready to talk turkey. That's when the woman should move in for the kill. Get a ring and set a date. If not, just keep moving on. Brush him off. Eventually the love will fade. And it won't be half as painful.

Sorry, but I know what I'm talking about, Sure, some women are with men who don't fall into either of the above two categories. Don't think other categories don't exist. Let's just say if a woman is with such a man, she's already holding all the cards in that relationship.

'Nuff said.

But getting back to Jennifer Aniston. This boring lecture in Relationships 101 was actually meant for her benefit. Not that I ever expect her to read it. Just working through my own relationship issues here.

Like getting someone besides me to say something.

Hello? I know you're out there. I can hear you breathing. Would you care to respond?

Demi Loves Her Some Jo Bros

Especially Nick, I mean thats what I hear.

In yet another YouTube video, Selena promotes the boys' new album. Like, she REALLY wants you to buy it!

- Erin Dustin

Mike Myers Schwings John McCain Fan Club Advertisement

Here we go again. Don't those McCain staffers know when to quit? I mean, is "Fan Club," their latest attack against Barack Obama for real? It looks like a computer science project spliced together by a 10-year old.

Now all we need is a viral video response from Wayne and Garth, aka Mike Myers and Dana Carvey, declaring their joint candidacy from a roach infested basement in Aurora, Illinois. Didn't those two perform a similarly inspired sketch at this year's MTV Movie Awards?

Wait a minute. I think I'm gonna hurl.

John McCain is signing up fans for Barack Obama
Okay, I'll take the bait, although a remake of campaign McCain's homepage looks suspiciously like the gateway to Barack Obama's fan club. Hey, I'm ready to sign on for dreamy eyes. But wait. Isn't this McCain's campaign website?

I'm soooooo confused!

Ignoring the possibility of a set-up, as in "I think we're not in Kansas any more," the latest stink between campaign McCain and SNL royalty is so far over the top we may all be getting punk'd.

Ashton Kutcher, is that you?

Maybe not. In case you haven't already put two and two together, campaign McCain "is not worthy," having once again stepped over the line of ethical behavior by using protected intellectual property without first securing permission from the rightful owners.

At least Mike Myers had the stones to scream copyright infringement, although fat lot of good it did with the video still parked on YouTube. So the offending final minutes won't appear on television. Big deal. How many donors will receive emails with the password for private viewing? Isn't that the same as Camp McCain plowing full speed ahead?

Michael Goldfarb, staffer of The McCain Report, laments cutting the Wayne's World bit off the official ad, casting some sort of vast left wing Hollywood conspiracy theory or possible plot of another Star Wars sequel as culprit.

Goldfarb is so far off the mark, I'm ready to blow chunks.

Just who does the Senator from Arizona think he is using celebrity copyrights and trademarked material like they're lazily floating about in the public domain, ripe for the pickings of any Washington insider with an itchy lasso?

Self-absorbed maverick? More like bubble-headed lamebrain.

Typecasting McCain and cronies desperately want to pin on Obama.


Skinny Retrospective of Speedo the Olympic Sweet-o

With all eyes focused on the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, extra scrutiny on a particular Maryland speedo seemed like a harmless exercise in hometown pride.

Who knew speedos could be so funny? Or snappy. Certainly, they're stuffed with surprises. Why, if someone wanted to blog about speedos there'd be no dearth of available material. Check out these "speedo" search results, chock full of the double entendre.

"Livin' la speedo loca."

"Beneath this speedo dangle the stones of a Patriot!"

"proudly representing Speedo since July 25, 2006"

"Oscar Jackman's Speedo Saturday"


"it's speedo! it's speedo! it's speedo time!"

"Further tales from the speedo diaries."

"Speedo Boy"

Speedo cheesecake.

"If the speedo fits, you must acquit."

"Green Speedo Guy seemed to time the start of his lap by waiting for me to get part way down the pool, and then trying to catch me to show that he 'still got it' (whatever 'it' is that he 'got')."

"Justin Timberlake as 'Le Coq' in a Speedo... that's all you need to know."

"all about the speedo"

"Guantanamo Speedo"

"all the men wear tight speedo-y shorts on the beach....eww"

"Schipper not a ripper zipper, says Speedo after suit drama"

"...Nelson was typecast as a speedo wearing pretty boy..."

"Mr. Speedo man was working out on a windy, cold day."

"The famous speedo scene" (WARNING: Suggestive cartoon characters. May not be suitable for young children. Rated PG)

"...after all, who doesn’t want to conduct research in a speedo?"

"at least it covers the speedo"

"Faster Than a Speedo Bullet"

"I guess I've been in France a long time, because Speedo vending machines don't look weird to me."

"Speedo's strong suit"

"Speedo and the Cadillacs"

"Making us all wish we were blind. Speedo" [link]

"New Speedo Suit Making Splash"

"Bernard the Gnome likes dirty men in speedos"

"More Wingnut Science from Speedo-Man"

"There was a pack of roaming guys in Speedo bathing suits (see left -- cringe)..."

"I love the fact that Warnaco started out in the 19th century making corsets, and Speedo began in Australia making woolen longjohn-style swimwear in 1928."

"Yes Scrappy the Speedo wearing dolphin has been defrocked." [BTW link]

"... Linus Torvalds in a Speedo, he is the original author of the LINUX operating system."

"This blog has received the below exclusive photograph of Tinky Winky in a gay bar dancing with an unidentified male, clad only in a revealing bikini-type speedo."

"Buxom Booty and Speedo Bandito"

"The Needo for Speedo"

"Santa Speedo Run"

"Ambigously gay guys in Speedos, You Go Girl Edition" [link]

"Speedo's Amazing Swimsuit Ready To Make Waves At Olympics"

G. Gordon Liddy strikes rugged pose in good old fashioned American flag speedo - Photo courtesy of dcrtv.com"... suffer from a sort of Speedo-induced PTSD..."

"These are not your dad's Speedos."

"Full Speedo Ahead"

"Speedo Sundays From Beijing"

"Speedos fit the cut of our jib"

"Ginger and Random Speedo Guy"

"More Speedos Than You Can Shake A Stick At!"

"Speedo Rob Attacked While Fishing!"

And my all time favorite, in response to "I'd rather see G. Gordon Liddy in his speedos," "You asked for it, you got it (right) ...

Have any more speedo links? Send 'em my way.