New Governator Storylines Spice Up Hackneyed Super Hero

As it turns out, I’m not the only person who thought they got punked by the recent announcement from Arnold Schwarzeneggar. Once the body builder, turned movie star, turned Kennedy in-law, turned Governor of California publicized his foray into – wait for it – cartoons, quips from around the blogosphere ranged from "April Fools," to "Robert Smigel promo," to "He’s got to be kidding."

I'm afraid not.

Sometime next year, Schwarzeneggar plans to launch his crime-fighting character "The Governator" in comic books, followed by an animated TV series, then a computer game, and finally a 3-D movie. Stan Lee is involved with development along with Andy and Amy Heyward of A Squared Entertainment. I know the concept sounds ridiculous, but "The Governator" isn’t messing around.

"I won’t be ba-ack," his muscled avatar quips from the foot of the state house. Drat. After this, I was expecting a run for the presidency.

The trailer plays like any other comic book crime fighter heeding a cry for help. Schwarzeneggar morphs into a formidable super hero fighting evil on a pimped-out motorcycle. He pulverizes robots as they try to rob an armored car, basically saving the day.



This whole tired crime fighting routine has been done so many times in so many incarnations, I fear for the Governator’s survival. During Schwarzeneggar’s transformation from ordinary to extraordinary, shades of Iron Man and Batman abound. Now that he is no longer Governor, his character is no different than those champions of truth and justice. Next thing you know, he’ll be fighting villains nicknamed "The Jester" and "The Puzzler."

The Governator should be a different kind of super hero, someone who fights evil unconventionally. Rather than duplicate what’s been done before, his creators should focus on the political angle. For instance:

• Fighting erupts on the House floor over proposed elimination of earmarks. The Governator steps in to make peace between partisans and reduce budget deficits.

• The President prepares to appoint more department czars without Congressional oversight or approval. The Governator invites him out for beers and during the night they get so sloshed, the President forgets why he needs more czars.

• Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi hatch an evil plot to raise taxes on just about everything Americans use and enjoy. The Governator clobbers them with an iron copy of the Constitution.

• The Governator combats illegal immigration, silent cell operations, energy cost increases, rising food prices, healthcare debacles, foreign policy blunders, government corruption, and general abuses of power.

Hey, I don't know about you, but I'm getting a little excited for 2012.


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Road to White House Runs Through David Letterman

"The economy is about to crater."

"Now that I'd like to see."

"Crater? I barely know her."

Bada bum.

But don't blame Letterman for what passed as witty repartee on last night's Late Night With David Letterman. After scheduled guest John McCain cancelled at the last minute, Dave struggled mightily to go on with the show.

I can only imagine the campaign's sorry cancellation call.

"Mr. Letterman? Uh, the Maverick has decided to suspend his presidential campaign to save our economy and he can't grace your show with his presence either. Make do with anything you can scrounge up around the studio (recently demoted MSNBC pundit Keith Olbermann was only too happy to oblige). Or suck it up, we don't care, there's work to be done inside the beltway." Click.

Yeah, buddy, well nobody puts Davey in the corner! Not even a powerful Senator of the U.S. Congress. We taxpayers don't care if we're about to take it up the wazoo for a gazillion dollar bailout or that Dubya's idea of saving the economy is to steal from the rich and give to the richer, we want our late night entertainment and we want it now!!

Clearly a bit of tension filled the studio as Dave's camera crew caught the GOP Nominee in a sit down with Katie Couric. You could have cut Dave's pride with a knife. Does McCain have any idea who he's tangling with?

At one point, Dave suggested McCain's surprise suspension of his run for the presidency was a ruse to counter sliding poll numbers, not a noble sacrifice to save the economy. He may have been joking, but the bite was unmistakable.

More so as he questioned McCain's failure to substitute "sexy babe" running mate Sarah Palin on the campaign trail. Gotta wonder what those two have been hiding. Heaven forbid the press should make mincemeat out of her before the election.

So, yeah, all the late night commotion got me thinking whether I want this sort of shoot from the hip style running the White House.

And here I thought Dave was a McCain supporter.

(video is over 9 minutes long but worth it. May disappear in foreseeable future)

[Source]

Madonna's an Old Fart, Sheridan Bolton have No Heart, and HBO Series 'Entourage' Gets Off to a Great Start

Between last week and this week, life went horribly awry. Both the dryer and the upstairs toilet broke, leaving a small army's worth of smelly towels and rugs. Got a sunburn to die for while recuperating from a face first dive beneath the sea. Slam went the boogie board as my nose followed bloodied and bruised. Oh, and there's no justice in America. Try sitting in a courtroom all day pleading for mercy only to have the stinking judge throw the book and kitchen sink at one very misguided relative. Despite my best intentions to make this a daily, once again, it's the weekly Wrap of Crap.



Sticky and sweet may have deeper significance for popfart Madonna. Explicitly lewd love letters and photographs expressing her penchant for spanking may be part of a February exhibition entitled "Simply Madonna: Materials of the Girl." From the same slut who brought us the offensively raunchy coffee table book SEX, comes the threat of legal action if former lover Jame Albright puts her oh so private materials on display.

Oh hooray. Speaking of Madonna, we can all stop worrying about her very public feud with Sir Elton John. It's over. The Goodbye Yellow Brick Road crooner was spotted along with musician Bono enthusiastically clapping at her Sticky and Sweet performance in Nice, France.

It's deja vu all over again. Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have once again called it quits. The couple dated for five years before ending their relationship in 1997, then became engaged in March, 2006. Seems to me like a revolving door of domestic tranquility with someone balking at walking down the aisle.

Los Angeles based 220 Laboratories is suing actress Kate Hudson for revealing its secret hair care ingredient to competitor David Babaii. Hudson allegedly made a verbal agreement to promote the company's line of products before letting the cat out of the bag. A representative for Hudson denies all accusations.

By now, everyone knows about the trials and tribulations of "Valkyrie," the expected Christmas Day turkey. Twelve extras are suing Tom Cruise and his production company United Artists for $11 million, alleging negligence and personal injury. The cast members suffered broken bones, cuts, pulled ligaments and bruises when the side panel of an antique German army truck flew open. Plaintiffs' lawyer claims the truck had not been properly secured. Might explain why Cruise and former business partner Paula Wagner recently parted ways.

He knows they're out there. That's probably why The X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny entered a rehab facility for treatment of a sex addiction. Never mind whatever threats of divorce may or may not have been made by fellow actor and wife, Tea Leoni. Both parties have pleaded for privacy during this extremely painful time for their family.

Fans who attended Neil Diamond's Ohio State University concert on Monday, August 25th may request a refund from now until September 5th. The "Sweet Caroline" singer suffered acute laryngitis, making his voice sound raspy during the performance.

The Broadway production of Grease will get another infusion of American Idol lubricant. Season 5 performer Ace Young will play Kenickie from September 9th through January 18th, joining the cast just as Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks exits his role as teen angel.

Illegal downloads will land you in jail. Honestly, they're not worth it. At the very least, don't be like this poor sap. If you ever need a deterrent, look at the FBI turning the life of 27-year old Kevin Cogill upside down. The blogger, who is suspected of streaming songs from the unreleased Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy, must pay a $10,000 fine and appear for a September 17th preliminary hearing to answer charges of felony copyright infringement.

Attention all tweeny boppers and the parents who lavish them with love and affection. Verizon Wireless and Samsung are running a contest with the top prize of a Bahamas vacation with The Jonas Brothers. For details, visit the official site.

The HBO hit series Entourage will team up in a big way with Virgin America. From now until the end of September, flights from New York to Las Vegas will be renamed "Entourage Air." Lucky fans on the September 4th flight will receive free swag and get to watch the premiere. The airline will also rename their first class seating "Entourage Class."

Johnny Vieira Lawsuit Has Vanessa Hudgens Singing the Blues

Be still my heart. Can the obscure Spewker Celebrity Politics Blog out-scoop "celebrity justice" monopoly TMZ.com after all?

Perhaps. Although, bots are raging with the latest Vanessa Hudgens "lawsuitical."

In the interests of going to press, I'll be brief. Fox 'Pop Tarts' Holly McKay broke the story, subsequently gossip-girled, making the lean tanned firmly-toned legs on this one like chasing a unicorn.

Songwriter and music producer Johnny Vieira doing business as "Johnny on the Spot Productions" is suing Disney's all-American sweetheart Hudgens, father Greg Hudgens, unidentifiable business entity Hollywood Records, and 1-50 John Does for breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, aiding and abetting breach of fiduciary duty, recission [sic], fraud, and defamation, claiming what appears to be in excess of $22 million dollars damages, unspecified punitive damages, the undoing of a settlement agreement, and hoo-boy, maybe indentured servitude ... it was hard to read between the lines of the 27-page complaint.

Word has it that Greg Hudgens allegedly smeared Vieira in an email while trying to warn others about his predatory business practices. Last time I looked, it was talent beware in the Land of Oz. Even to this rube, seems like anyone trying to rep talent as "Johnny on the Spot" would be viewed more as sewer receptacle than respectable business partner.

Tori Spelling Vacates The CW's '90210'

Who will run "the coolest store in Beverly Hills" now that Donna Martin has left town?

The CW's behind-the-scenes hand wringing to wangle Tori Spelling a recurring role on the upcoming Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off was a waste. The move didn't pay off for Spelling or network head Dawn Ostroff.

Spelling pulled out over a salary dispute. Bottom line: she would earn less than half per episode as co-stars Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty. How could anyone possible expect the star of her own Oxygen reality series to play a bit part under such horrid conditions?

Now the pressure may be mounting on Ostrow to put up or get packing. Some bloggers believe 90210 is her last chance to hit a ratings homer, opening the door for future begging, pleading and feting to pacify Spelling's ego and sweet talk her back into a guest appearance.

From this blogger's vantage point, Donna Martin running some Rodeo Drive boutique will not make or break the sequel. As for Ostrow, isn't all this hypothetical back-stabbing a tad premature?

I was a huge fan of the original 90210 series, going so far as to stow every character doll on the shelf for future prosperity. A ratings opening of "4" seems like an impossibly high standard of success, especially in light of competitors such as The Hills, One Tree Hill, Gossip Girls, and reality programming. How many teen angst soap operas can women 18-to-34 realistically be expected to endure?

Without the creative forces of Darren Star and Aaron Spelling, I hold out little hope of the spin-off capturing lightening in a bottle twice. On the other hand, the possibility of once again catching Garth and Doherty at each other's throats may well be worth weathering any initial storm.

Spewker Shines Spotlight on "Making The Movie"

T'was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. No fires raging near Big Sur. In the shadow of a recently ended writers strike, a subtle but festive mood uplifted the Hollywood elite. All of Tinseltown prepared for a memorable afternoon culminating in the Dorothy Chandlier Pavillion ... or was it the Kodak Theater?

Quite difficult to remember now that so much time has flown by.

Oh, what does it matter? It was the 80th Annual Academy Awards with a cast full of sparkling characters to light up the sky.

Oh, alright then, it was the Kodak Theater.

Whatever happened to the Dorothy Chandlier Pavillion? I wonder how the Chandlier family feels about being supplanted by an instant camera.

Yes, as I was saying, The Spewker was poised for one of its first live blogs. I had no idea what we were doing. In fact, I was so spanking brand new to the entire concept that I turned over the reins to our virtual Hollywood correspondent, Moan Quivers. Moani held the live blog on Twitter which explains the non-existence of her witty reparte. None of the posts survived.

For those who know absolutely nothing about Twitter, let's just say that your posts disappear after three or so pages of tweets. Someone has since developed an application to capture archives, but at the time, Twitter messages faded about as quickly as they spammed.

Too bad because Moan was on such a roll it bordered on sheer genius.

Somehow, some way, Making The Movie got wind of our ambitious effort and linked to our live blog announcement. I'm not sure how many people tuned in as a result, but I do remember Moani jumping around the room ecstatically after seeing our link in the midst of a prestigious list of live bloggers.

I'm glad to re-visit Making The Movie and see it robustly alive and kicking. So many blogs pop up and seem to disappear overnight. This is one tenaciously digging in its heels for the long run.

Good sticky content and well-written articles too. The site provides filmmaking tips, resources, reviews, news and links. A film maker's library with information written in plain English.

How many blogs can make that kind of claim?

Congratulations, Mr. Ott and Making The Movie. For your magnaminous gesture of linking to and referencing this then relatively unknown blog, you are the winners of a coveted Spewker Spotlight award. Target, save, and upload the award to your site or email me at the address on the bottom for detailed coding information.

Want to know how you can be our next featured spotlight winner? Simply mention this blog with a link to our site in any of your articles or embed in a page of your website. If we like what we see, you may be the next winner of our coveted award.

George Carlin Gone to that Great Comedy Club in the Sky

There will be so many tributes to the great stand-up comedian George Carlin this morning, I don't feel as compelled to add my voice to the din. Besides, I have a date with destiny, aka the dentist, in about half an hour. Who has time?

George Carlin. Gone at 71. Complained of chest pains last night. Dead of a heart attack this morning. I'm suddenly feeling a need to check out Lipitor.

What can I say? In honor of a true pioneer, someone who dared to go where others would not, the best I can do right now is free association and YouTube.

Dark Side of the Moon. Strobe lights. Love beads. Seven forbidden words. Something lit. Incense. Lava lamps. Flairs. Frank Zappa. LMFAO. Men in pony tails. Lenny Bruce. Richard Pryor. Mood rings. Here comes the judge. Spin the bottle. The beep line. Late night runs to Taco Bell. Slam books. Cheech and Chong. BH. The Groove Tube. Smoke on the Water.

Carlin, man. Carlin. The world is now a more somber place. R.I.P.

Cameron Diaz is Completely Bald

Good for Cameron Diaz, dare'n to go completely barren. Cameron adopted a gerblish alien look in the name of her craft. Her new movie, My Sister's Keeper, is currently filming in Santa Monica. Cameron plays the mom of a young girl with lukemia and most likely shaved her head to show solidarity.

Supposedly, Cameron's noggin is covered by a bald cap, but hon, you could have fooled me.

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Positively Free Sex and the City Tour

The May 30th New York City premiere of Sex and the City: The Movie has inspired a fever pitch of hype and scramble for affiliation with all things Sarah Jessica Parker. New York City and local entrepreneurs are preparing to cash in.

Soon, a multitude of the fabulous and metrosexual will converge upon Manhattan, gobbling up SATC souvenirs, fighting for glimpses of stars on the red carpet, and spending outrageous sums of money for Sex and the City theme tours. While some tours are a perfectly reasonable way to enjoy the Big Apple, others are sold out, and still others are so obnoxiously expensive they should be banned for excessive opulence.

Truthfully, I'm a little appalled. Spending that much money for a friggn' city tour, are these people nuts? I like the SATC franchise just as much as anyone else, but you don't see me dropping huge wads of cash for something I can do on my own for nothing.

In fact, I'm so adverse to seeing so much money go down the drain, I decided to create an online tour of my own. No, it doesn't include injections of botox or boutique shopping jaunts, but it does give a fairly accurate picture of the SATC "hot spots." Even better, it's positively 100% FREE! I say, save your money for better things.

Like making a donation to my PayPal account.

Or buying your next gallon of gas.

Charlotte gets a free pair of shoes in exchange for a naughty massage.

Samantha impersonates a member of a pool club to cool off on a hot day. There's the pool roof off in the distance.

The ladies pay a visit to The Pleasure Chest where Charlotte purchases a little toy she names "Rabbit."

Remember the episode where Carrie and Samantha start ogling a priest? There's the church where the scenes were filmed. I hear the producers had to offer a hefty donation for the location.

I find it hard to believe the red door with graffiti filled walls is tour worthy, but here's the scene where Samantha exits her apartment building. Funny how the place barely resembles the red door from the series.

The official Sex and the City cosmopolitan is a staple of all the tours. These are being served in a pub, not the restaurant where this scene was shot.

It wouldn't be a "Sex and The City" tour unless you stopped at Magnolia Bakery for cupcakes. Here, the line snakes around the door about 80 people long. In a scene from the series, Carrie tells Miranda about her Aidan crush as they lick cupcakes on an outside bench.

Another popular tour destination is the steps outside Carrie Bradshaw's brownstone. Everyone stops to have pictures taken. The brownstone is actually located in the Village, not the Lower East Side as portrayed in the series.

"Your girl is beautiful, Hubbell," Carrie says to Big, a nod to "The Way We Were." The scene was filmed at the fountain across from The Plaza Hotel, a fitting way to end this tour on a high note.


Just in case you wanted to see some actual people on one of these tours, I'll leave you with the foreign film version. Au revoir, ladies.

Kenny Rogers' Beard Smells Like a Lawsuit

Oh, that over-the-top shock jock, Howard Stern. What he won't do to entertain an audience. Half-naked ladies in the studio, plastic surgery contests, the raunchiest repartee this side of the Mississippi, and now the icing on the cake of a deliciously nasty career.

Dolly Parton wants to sue, claiming Howard left her "completely devastated" after broadcasting a NSFW remix of her latest audio book. Howard seems to enjoy pushing the edge of reason, but this time he's probably in the clear.

Nobody could take this stuff seriously. Goddam, I LOVE Howard's version! Nearly pissed my pants listening to it. I still can't stop laughing. For anyone with delicate sensibilities, DO NOT play this tape. It's crude, rude and downright lewd. Walk away and do not return. That's the only warning you're going to get.

Blatantly inappropriate or not, this is one of the most creatively funny gimmicks I've heard in a long time. What does Dolly have against Kenny Rogers anyway?

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Ban on Channel 4 "Skins" Poster Targets Wrong Media

Being from this side of the pond, I'm not exactly familiar with British television. It seems to run programs on public access TV that the colonies could only run on cable. Precisely the rub in this mixed-up brouhaha.

A controversy over teen angst drama, Skins, blew up in Channel 4's face after the Advertising Standards Authority received 42 complaints over this promotional poster. Supposedly, that's a teen orgy swirling around the main characters. The station must now remove all the posters.

I have to admit, the scene shows a lot of exposed skin and licking in a bedroom filled with young people, but this poster doesn't appear any racier than a show widely available to watch on television. Besides, any self-respecting orgy would have multiple teens going at it together at the same time, something clearly absent in this promotional material.

Teen angst is not my thing, having gotten my fill of it in the 1980s with Beverly Hills: 90210 (which I hear they're reviving as sequel). Since it's easy enough to find fan sites and videos of Skins, I thought I'd give the show a once over. Wow. If this stuff is on public access, the problem isn't the poster, it's the show itself.

In a widely circulated YouTube video, two boys wake up together in bed covered by a comforter possibly so inappropriate, I had to censor it for my blog. Wouldn't want to get cited and banned myself now, would I?

I don't want to tell you what the guy on the right was doing as the scene opened, nor do I want to describe what he did with his hands afterwards. Oh, those crazy Brits. This yokel is amazed at what passes for socially acceptable on their airwaves.

What really gets my goat is how the Advertising Standards Authority gave a pass to material in a second promotional poster. Oh yes, people complained about it too, but the ASA didn't see any reason to issue a second ban.

One of the characters lies in a bathtub under water, his eyes opened. I'm pretty sure the guy's dead. If not, he's possessed. Definitely not the sort of poster you'd want a 5-year old toddler to notice. And since it seems to glorify death or the supernatural, I wouldn't want impressionable teenagers to notice either.

In my book, a dead guy under water with eyes wide opened is far more offensive than a few half-naked teens sucking face.

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Death of a Rumor: "Sex and The City" Movie Plot Revealed

The "buzz kicks into overdrive" as SATC: The Movie inches ever closer to its London debut. Squawks of foul play from New Yorkers (even those from Brooklyn) have become all too palpable as wounds from being poked with the raw end of a stick begin to crack the veneer of Manhattan sidewalks.

No wonder people are strewing death rumors about like Mardi Gras beads, ratcheting the electrified air of tension into a fever pitch of frenzy.

If I had known Big was gonna die, I would have commissioned a dirge for the premiere.

Put the rumors to rest, dear gossip mongers. A flurry of nitter natter signifying nothing can only buttress the headlines so long. Nobody dies in the most hotly anticipated movie of the summer, although someone did pitch the idea to director Michael Patrick King.

'I did want an emotional roller-coaster,' King said. 'But my ultimate target was to make our 'girlfriends' -- in other words, our audience -- happy. And I don't think Mr. Big dying would make them happy.'

You got that right, pal. If Carrie and Big don't march off happily ever after, somebody's "gonna haf a lahda 'splaining" to do.

Replacing the original satisfyingly delicious illusion of the series ending with a cinematic 180 would be the most boneheaded move in film history. But it wouldn't be the first time some Hollywood doodad messed around with perfection.

Just please let Charlotte have her baby. That woman needs another object for her affections. Umpteen kisses with Elizabeth Taylor are beginning to spoil her Madonna image, not to mention cause an overwhelming "yech" feeling in the pit of my stomach.

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Vida Samdazai 'Runway' Premiere Could Spark International Incident

Is anyone else besides me getting a bad feeling about critic reaction to Former Miss Afghanistan 2003's movie premiere?

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Maybe It's the Combover: A Night at the Roxbury Reduced to Commercial

Ever wonder how a great idea gets reduced to a 2008 Super Bowl commercial? I did last night as I watched the truncated version of Pepsi's "Wake Up People" campaign. All that seems to be left of this major motion picture production is the combover guy nodding off at a diner.

The original "Roxbury Guys" would have found a way to exploit that flying wisp of hair. Heck, they'd probably offer to make combover guy an honorable Butabi.

Not familiar with the classic Saturday Night Live "Roxbury Guys" sketch created by cast members Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan? The running gag of shiny suited brothers, Steve and Doug Butabi out on the town, bobbing their heads in syncopated rhythm to Haddaway's Don't Hurt Me? At clubs, high school dances, etc., the boys stand together, a sea of dancers splitting, revealing two bobbleheads at the bar. Always mistakenly exchanging dance requests with prospective partners, it wasn't unusual for one of them to suddenly grab some unsuspecting female. The punchline, if you will, has the poor woman bouncing back and forth between both men. The bopping of heads and ravaging of dance partners made the skit an instant hilarious classic which, I suppose, is the reason Pepsi decided to tweak the idea into a commercial for soft drinks.

In 1998, Ferrell and Kattan earnestly attempted to stretch this ten minute gag into an hour and twenty minute movie. A Night at the Roxbury is the reference point for most people making a connection between the Pepsi commercial and the Butabis. The film wasn't well received, but then again, Ferrell and Kattan have always resonated more with their fans than the critics.

If these are the best out takes from the movie, this is one time I'm on the side of the critics. But I disagree with people who suggest the sketch was too flimsy for a feature film. "Roxbury Guys" had all the right elements for a feature film if it had stuck with the original punchline. Even in this short movie compilation, the essential elements of the gag -- losers who knock around women wanting nothing to do with them -- are nowhere to be found.

For some reason, mostly all that remains of the Roxbury sketches on the Internet are videos featuring SNL guest host Jim Carrey as Mark Butabi, third brother of Doug and Steve.

The episode aired in Season 21 on May 18, 1996, catapulting "Roxbury Guys" into a stratosphere reserved for SNL legends, much like Gilda Radner's Lisa Lubener, Eddie Murphy's Mr. Robinson, and Billy Crystal's Ricardo Montalban. Perhaps Carrey's edge was the impetus needed to propel the skit into a movie, but it was not the first, nor the last time "Roxbury Guys" had staked a claim at SNL.

The brothers Butabi appear to have made their debut in Season 21 on March 23, 1996. Phil Hartman, a former cast member later murdered by or with his wife, guest hosted. The boys bopped their heads to the beat of Haddaway, hanging out in a bar to harass fellow cast member Cheri Oteri. Obscure cast member David Koechner may have played the bartender. Ferrell says the characters were based upon an actual club guy in Santa Monica. No known video footage of the original sketch could be found at the time of this article.

On September 18, 1996, celebrated actor Tom Hanks hosted the show, joining the "Roxbury Guys" for another skewer of Cheri Oteri and a taste of their own medicine.

Tom Hanks with Roxbury Guys. sélectionné dans N.C.

Why Kattan stayed behind bars with those gang bangers when the cell door remained open is a mystery of live sketch comedy. When Don Pardo announces, "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night" for each show, he really means "live."

On December 7, 1996, former cast member Martin Short guest hosted episode 414. Some of that footage is mixed in with the Helen Hunt episode below. Short played a foreign relative of the Butabis out for a night on the town and a peep show. If memory serves me correctly, the gag involved a somewhat naked woman with pasties shaking her stuff as the door to the peep opened and closed at the sexiest moment. Each time it reopened, the girl was gone or someone unexpected had taken her place. Short stood there with a glazed look in his eyes grabbing for the girl, but the episode was largely forgettable. I think it ended with him being revived with heart paddles on the operating table, but, baby, don't quote me (no more).

On February 22, 1997, Season 22, episode 420 aired with Alec Baldwin as guest host. Baldwin's Butabi looked like a younger version of himself in outtakes and photos. Unfortunately, I can't find anything online other than what's mingled with Helen Hunt. Gold chains, big hair, and shiny suit. Judging from the out takes, Baldwin is the lucky friend who nabs the girls in the sketch described as "Doug and Steve get flustered."

Tina Turner performed Proud Mary live as the evening's musical guest. Now that was something spectacular. Baldwin hosted the show so many times with so many other memorable performances, it's difficult to recall exactly how he held up as a bobblehead. As with the premiere sketch, at the time of this article, other than what may be mixed into the Helen Hunt video below, no known footage of his appearance exists online.

Episode 424, Season 22, aired on April 19, 1997. Pamela Anderson had a series of mad encounters with the boys throughout the night that ended, as usual, with the Butabis leaving the scene empty handed.

Pamela Anderson with Roxbury guys. sélectionné dans N.C.

Sylvester Stallone guest hosted the show, playing "Roxbury Rocky" in Season 23. The sketch aired on September 27, 1997.

Roxbury guys with Sylvester Stallone sélectionné dans N.C.

I never sat through all the Rocky sequels, but I assume the kids running around Sly have something to do with a plot line from one of them. Yawn.

On December 13, 1997, in episode 435, Helen Hunt guest hosted, appearing as a psychoanalyst for the Guys after her Best Actress Oscar win for As Good As It Gets. Co-star Jack Nicholson made a riveting cameo appearance that nearly brought down the house. Unfortunately, this compilation video is the best I could find. Apparently, many of the "Roxbury Guy" videos have been removed from YouTube for copyright violations. Somehow, they missed this one. Let's hope they don't find and unembed it before you finish this article.

What may be the final Roxbury sketch first aired on September 26, 1998. Cameron Diaz guest hosted, appearing as the mysterious woman who finally lets the Guys take her home.

Roxbury Brothers avec Cameron Diaz sélectionné dans Humour et Sketchs

When the episode aired again on Comedy Central around 9/11, I remember the country, for the most part, still being in a state of shock, workers tearing up Ground Zero digging for survivors, and later for recovery of human remains, at least what hadn't been completely incinerated. It's almost seven years later, yet I haven't quite fully recovered.

Yes, it served as an awful reminder of a horrendous American tragedy. Fellow Americans need your help. Donate. Give blood. The mood of the country? Fairly morose would be an understatement.

And then, Dan Ackroyd and Steve Martin made it all disappear. For a moment, I know I was -- perhaps anybody watching the episode who had been a fan since SNL's inception was -- transported back to a kinder, gentler, happier time. Not that the late 70's weren't turbulent. They were. And like today, gas prices were bringing down the economy.

But back then, watching the Not Ready for Prime Time Players, I could always count on a lift in my spirit. So many classic sketches and characters. The Fenstruk Brothers -- plaid clad clashing barfly foreign imbeciles, never got the girl, always acted inappropriately -- made me burst out laughing each time they gyrated their hips and pointed those fingers. "We are two wild and crazy guys," uttered in the foreign accent of people barely able to speak English was a catch phrase back then. Kind of in the nature of "You bet your sweet bippy," or "Mom always liked you best."

SNL has evolved a lot since then and still makes me chuckle, just not like the guffaw days of the late 1970's. The moment the Fenstruks revealed themselves at the bar, a cloud lifted. I felt happy again. And life slowly moved on.

Like the Haddaway song that started the saga, "Roxbury Guys" will live on.

Piers Morgan is the Celebrity Apprentice

It's very gratifying to offer live blogging and have so many different locations appear in real time on our Live Feed. Heartfelt thanks to everyone who took a break from their busy Thursday night schedules to join Moan Quivers, virtual Hollywood correspondent, as she reported live from the red carpet.

Donald Trump and his progeny deserve a pat on the back for setting up and pulling off a live two hour show. This type of television is always risky. To their credit, the finale was an enjoyable romp showcasing major celebrities like the Duchess of York and Simon Cowell.

But the promos fell overboard, especially in light of the final delivery.

"Good v. Evil."

"U.S. v. U.K."

"Piers v. Omarosa."

"Trace v. The Backstreet Boys, a/k/a The BSB."

"Wheat grass juice and black fingernail polish v. Marlboro Man sensibilities."

To be fair, in some respects, the live finale lived up to the hype which is good because I don't think I could stomach another "pass the baton" sort of show, you know, that feeble attempt to rebrand with Martha Stewart going nowhere fast. The finale's taped segments about the two charities were terrific. And that's the meat of this celebrity version of the show, really, helping worthwhile causes. Trump's last minute money raising ideas, the texting and online auction, were delicious icing on the cake. Hopefully, the finale's success will translate into larger ratings for a second celebrity season.

But give me a break, everyone knows the show is loosely scripted, at least in part. The celebrities are superfluous fluff to attract an audience. With all the promos and build-up to the finale, couldn't they have peppered Ms. Manigault-Stallworth with better lines as a parting shot to Piers? Her drivel about not liking the unpopular winner because he didn't floss was a true waste of wind. Even Trump noticeably winced and chastised her for ending the show with something downright stupid.

Look, in the interests of fair disclousre, I'm not a fan of Omarosa. Not many people are. She's had her fifteen minutes as far as I'm concerned and hasn't done much with them since. If you're producing a show called The Celebrity Apprentice, then you have to expect your audience wants to see a battle between real celebrities. Obviously, the Trump organization has a soft spot in its heart for the woman it earnestly tried to launch into fame, but enough is enough. Let's hope the franchise doesn't repeat this mistake in season two.

If it's villains they're looking for, why not throw a bone to contentious down-and-out bona fide celebrities like Rosie O'Donnell? Talk about a show with the potential for big ratings. Now there's something worth tuning in for.

Live Blogging Live Two Hour Finale of The Celebrity Apprentice

Come one. Come all. For the conclusion of tonight's live Celebrity Apprentice two-hour episode, our virtual Hollywood correspondent, Moan Quivers, will be live blogging the show right here on this site. No tweets.

Join us at 8:55 p.m. EST this evening (approximately five and a half hours from now) as Moan gives a blow-by-blow report with commentary of the riveting face-off between bloated Brit Piers Morgan, and Marlboro Man crooner Trace Adkins. Promos have also promised a cameo appearance of Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (a/k/a Stinkaroma) in the final boardroom.

It's U.S. v. U.K. Refresh this article as Moan provides the inside scoop.





8:56 p.m. Settling in with the big screen TV, a glass of diet root beer with ice, and the laptop. Moan Quivers here. Snarky commentary with a smidgen of reporting thrown in for good measure. It's the live two-hour season finale of The Celebrity Apprentice. Everyone here predicts Piers Morgan, the pompous British patootey, will emerge victorious.

The only thing is, we can't quite figure out what that means. Prestige? Money for charity? A trophy from The Donald? We're all about to find out.

9:05 p.m. - "We started with 14 celebrities and we're down to 2," says The Donald. Children, Donald, Jr. and Ivanka, weigh in with their two cents about who might win. Over a million dollars has been raised for the charities. The Donald says he is looking forward to the big fight. Pre-recorded portions of their battle now play. The live audience cheers as the walls of the board room are raised to reveal their presence.

9:08 p.m. - Trace Adkins is here to raise money for severe food allergies. Piers is raising money for "Intrepid Fallen Heroes." The Donald characterizes the fight as "Good v. evil, U.K. v. U.S."

On Trace's team is Lennox Lewis and Marilu Henner. Piers Morgan's team consists of Stephen Baldwin and Carol Alt. The Backstreet Boys will perform. But one of them wants wheat grass before the show. Trace acts like this is some kind of drug. He sniffs his nose at him and rolls his eyeballs.

Oh come on, Marlboro Man, wheat grass. It's good for you. Ever been to the health food store?

9:11 p.m. Off to commercial. Self-help yourself with Larry. An advertisement to quit your job and do what you like. Kind of like what I did when I took this virtual Hollywood correspondent's job. Having a blast but working for peanuts. What could be better?

9:12 p.m. And we're back. Text "Trump" to 30101 and help the charities for Trace and Piers. You'll donate a dollar to text and help raise money. Nice touch.

9:16 p.m. Piers is calling on favors. He contacts Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber and Fergie, Duchess of York for a prize or to bid for a prize. He's calling people he knows and people he doesn't really know at all. If I got a call for him, I'd probably laugh and hang up.

Aw, in the luxury van, Stephen compliments Piers for his fund raising skills. And Piers apologizes to Stevie B. if he has offended him. Yuk. It's bad enough these two lingered in a long handshake. It looked like, for a minute, Piers might lean over and kiss Baldwin like he did with Trace in the boardroom the episode Stinkaroma was fired. Thank goodness it didn't happen.

But now Trace is griping about the black fingernail polish he has to buy for one of the Backstreet boys. I never realized Trace was so out of it. I happen to love black fingernails, on men or women. Grow up!

9:20 p.m. Stevie B. has no friends. Of the 50 tickets Piers has to sell or give away, Baldwin is only able to bring in 5 people. Somehow, I can see why people stay away. Stevie B. may have an engaging smile, but that big gold cross on his chest, I know he's a minister and everything, but very ostentatious. Still, what about Piers's friends? Did they all drop off the face of the earth? And Carol? What? Not one of them knows anybody who can buy a ticket? Oy. This must be staged.

On to commercial.

9:23 p.m. And they're back. Before the last cut to commercial, they showed the boardroom. There was Stinky. All done up in a flashing pink suit. This time, she actually looked tasteful. Surprising. In all the other episodes, she looked like a common slut.

Remaining cool under pressure is crucial in business and in life, says the Donald. Roll the tape of past episodes.

9:27 p.m. Well, I called that one wrong. They're rolling tape of Trace under pressure for this final event. Trace says the pressure was due to the lack of time and need for more of it.

Aw, here's Trace's two little girls and his wife. Came out of nowhere. Wow! They are really pretty. Especially the 6-year old with the food allergy. The one he's trying to win money for. Just love their little fake chinchilla jackets. Do they have another one in size 12?

9:32 p.m. "Loaded celebrities means lots of money." This is Piers's mantra and the one he's teaching to the wait staff. Get everyone drunk. It's crucial.

The red carpet is out and people are starting to arrive. One of the "BSB" has "twisted his little knee," says Trace. He's still trying to find wheat grass juice and he needs to get something for the little BSB's knee. Trace says working with them has given himself more appreciation for himself. "Don't get me started on the BSB," Trace admonishes as the audience breaks out in loud applause.

"I've performed when my stomach was doubled over, had to go to the hospital, and they cut out 18 inches of my colon. But the BSB (Back Street Boys) won't perform because one of them doesn't have their wheat grass juice! Give me a break." Okay. Okay, Marlboro Man, we get it. You're a trooper. The BSB are not. Or maybe they're staging all of this for the show to get your gander up. Just stay cool. It will all be okay.

On to commercial.

9:36 p.m. And they're back.

Ticket sales. Auction sales. And overall, let's just see how they do. These are the criteria on which Piers and Trace will be judged. Trace is responsible for the band, the decorations, and party atmosphere. Piers is responsible for the auction.

Dean Samms, Eddie Montgomery, Ronnie Milsap, Trace's hommies are here. Nice. The Grand 'Ol Oprey and private people came from all over to show support and give Trace money. $5,000.00. $10,000.00. Trace may pull this off afterall.

9:42 p.m. Trace's item for the Super Bowl item sells for $18K. Once in a lifetime chance to enjoy royal tea with Fergie, Piers's item, sells for $100K - to the boss of Cantor Fitzgerald, who is standing there with members of the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. A dinner with Trace Adkins sells for $6K to Ivanka, who loves Trace. A night with the Osbourne's and if over $50K, Ozzy will fly his band anywhere in the country to play - Piers's item - sells to the same Cantor Fitzgerald guy for $100K.

Now how do the pompous Brit and this nice Jewish boy go together? Personally, even though I usually love the British accent, every time Piers opens his mouth, I want to stuff a rag in it.

9:45 p.m. Somehow, some way, Simon Cowell is involved in the series finale event. They say he's going to bid big for the auction. And he's in the back pocket of Piers. Oh, the British. They'll do anything to make the cowboy look bad. But don't discount the money they stuck in the cowboy's pocket.

Ha! They just cut to the green room with all the fired contestants and Stinkaroma was the only one sitting there stuffing her face with food. That's right Omarosa, stuff yourself now. It's the last expensive food you're going to see for a while.

9:49 p.m. Lunch with Ivanka bid for $20K. Ooo - item for Piers - but....

Here's Simon. Appearing by phone from London - bidding $100K - he takes it away. Trace finds the whole thing distasteful. Can't blame him. That bloated pompous Brit, he's so full of himself. He's tooting his own horn about how good he is at fund raising. Can I kick him? I'd like to kick him in the pants.

The Backstreet Boys performance turns out to be pretty good. Even without the wheat grass juice. I still say the whole thing was a ruse. Dig the black fingernails.

9:53 p.m. Mmmmmm, as I sit here through the many commercials, I'm thinking that the decorations looked a little sparse. Who was in charge of that? Marilu? If I remember correctly, Lennox raced her through that. So, Trace's team may get graded down on the look of the party.

It wasn't that packed either. Plenty of room for people to mill about. Why didn't the celebs try selling tickets to normal people? They could have packed that place! What? The little people couldn't mingle with the "beautiful" people. Does anyone else find that offensive?

9:55 p.m. Howard Lutnick and other partners of Cantor Fitzgerald will be matching all text donations tonight in an amount up to $250K - split between both charities. Call people! Call! This is a good way to give money and be part of the show.

Erin Burnett and Jim Kramer were just introduced. I have no idea who they are. Not. Isn't one of them with that Mad Money show?

10:04 p.m. And they're back. In the boardroom. Ivanka mentions how Piers choosing Stevie B. for his team was risky since they didn't work so well together and Baldwin specifically asked not to work with him any more. The Donald mentions how Lennox jumped ship to go work with Trace. Piers mentions that makes total sense since Lennox is a laid back sort.

Oh - I'm not so sure about that. They should probably stick Piers in the ring with Lennox. He acts so tuff. I give him about 30 seconds with Lennox.

$64K v. $364K - for the auction items, Piers wins.

$38K v. $12K - for the ticket sales, Trace wins.

Simon and The Donald are friends. I think so much money came in from Simon, not because of Piers, but because Simon likes The Donald, and that Simon wanted to donate the money to charity. Piers always wants to make it all about him. This guy is the guru of self-promotion.

Okay. Okay. And now Piers and Trace are resenting one another. Gag. Piers wants Trace to take it back that he was somehow belittling Trace's donors. OMG! If looks could kill, I think Trace just gave Piers the death blow. Is it over now? Can we all go home?

10:07 p.m. Welcome back. Live. To the season finale of The Celebrity Apprentice.

10:10 p.m. Who was responsible for the food?" queries the Donald, "because I didn't see any."

"That was deliberate," said Piers. "To get everyone tipsy so that they would bid more at the auction."

Baldwin denigrates Piers for shaking money out of people by getting them drunk. Piers fires back.

"He's not the only Christian in the room. He doesn't have a monopoly on Christianity," laments Piers. The Donald makes fun of Piers for sweating and sweating a lot. The audience laps it up.

10:15 p.m. The Donald calls on Trace for his take on the "good v. evil" and the "good, the bad, and the ugly" theme of the show. "Who's the ugly?" baits The Donald. Luckily, no one points to any of the women. Lennox volunteers as the ugly, but he's soooooo wrong. Lennox is actually very hot. And a good dresser.

Trace says that there have been times when Piers treated people in a questionable manner. For that reason, he's the better person to be the Celebrity Apprentice.

Piers defends himself by saying that he's playing a business game, not a popularity game. Piers says he's done the best by raising more money. He's in it for the money. He's in it for making the event the best. I suppose Piers is not so bad after all. He is, after all, doing this for charity. How can you not like someone who goes to all these lengths for charity?

"This is tough," says The Donald. "This is the toughest thing I've had to do in a long time. Get Piers and Trace ready! I'm ready to choose."

Eh....the whole thing is a crock. Celebrity apprentice? What's the apprentice part? I'm all for raising money for charity, but call the show for what it is. A way to strut lesser known and non-celebrities (Stinkaroma), and raise a lot of money for charity. Also to keep The Donald in the public eye. That's all. Nothing more.

10:17 p.m. Nice guy, Trace Adkins, enters the room. The audience goes wild.

Ruthless intelligence, and vicious guy, Piers Morgan, come on down! The audience boos.

10:20 p.m. The Donald starts off by asking Trace what he thinks about Piers. Trace doesn't like him or think very much of him. Piers compliments Trace and says he thinks he's a great guy.

"I'm an evil and obnoxious disgusting Brit," says Piers. "I don't mind."

Now The Donald brings out the fired celebrities. When Baldwin walks out the audience boos. Ha!

10:27 p.m. Everyone is there in the live boardroom except Gene Simmons who is shooting a movie. Then The Donald calls out Stinkaroma. OMG. She stands there like she's a super hero. She has this sparkling pink lipstick to match her outfit. I think she looks like a candy cane with mold.

Now The Donald asks Lennox what he thinks about Piers and Trace. Lennox equivocates. He thinks they're both good. But in the end, he gives kudos to Piers. Maybe it's true. Nice guys finish last.

Carol Alt is going head to head with The Donald. I agree with her. She should have been one of the final celebrities. Clearly, she has more respect for Piers.

"Stevie B. wasn't doing so well, and now he's a big star when he walks down the street," says The Donald. I was wrong. The Donald is and remains the guru of self-promotion.

Everyone is asked to raise their hand. Who do they like better? The votes go majority for Trace. So Trace is Mr. Popularity. But, let's face it. This wasn't a popularity contest. It was a contest to do the best in raising money. And as much as people dislike him, I think they have to admit that Piers did the best job.

Piers should win. But they still have to hear from Gene who is filming a movie in Japan. Stay tuned.

10:36 p.m. Wow. They are still skating outside in New York. Cut back to the live boardroom.

What is Gene Simmons's sign? "Dollar sign, baby," he replies. They are going through Gene's outtakes. Love that snake tongue.

And now here is Gene from Tokyo, Japan. Gene speaks Japanese, but it sounds like he just said some praise for Hamas....mmmm...no...couldn't be. Jeff Hazlett, an executive from Kodak is here too. Jeff says Gene was wrong about the task he lost, the one for Kodak. Kodak doubled its sales with the promotion from the winning team, Hydra. Gene is a shrewd businessman, but not shrewd enough. He lost early in the game. Why does his opinion matter?

"A tug of the heart, that's what Trace Adkins embodies, that 'aw shucks' source of demeanor," says Gene. Who does Gene pick? Trace, of course. Is this really about Mom, apple pie, and the American flag? Or are we talking about the person who was better raising money for charity? Clearly, it was not Trace. Sorry, Mom.

10:42 p.m. Nice touch. They did a piece on Trace's charity. Food allergies. Seeing his little girl in an oxygen mask, aw, I wanna cry. Give him the money already! Stop pulling on everyone's heart strings!

And now Trace is performing a country song. Wow! Nice thick baritone. Beautiful sound. I had never heard him sing before. He's really amazing!

Oh for goodness sakes, we all know the show wants to give the money to Trace, so just do it! Besides, Piers's charity already got some money - mostly because Piers is such an amazing fund raiser. Trace's charity has gotten nothing up until now. Really, the nice guy has not been able to pull off a win.

So, just give the money to the little girl in the fake chinchilla coat and let's all call it a day, shall we?

Oh. Wait. Go to iTunes now to download "You're Gonna Miss This" and all the money raised will go to Trace's charity. The offer is good for two weeks. I guess if The Donald ends up picking the bloated disgusting Brit, this will be Trace's booby prize.

10:50 p.m. And now they are giving equal time to Piers's charity. The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. Shane and Matthew have no legs and Matthew is blind. They're fallen heroes. I agree. Never thought I would see a bloated Brit advocating for American soldiers. Maybe I shouldn't apologize to Mom after all. If Piers wins, the American flag wins too. Fallen heroes from America. The flag flies in the background. And now some of the fallen soldiers are here on the live show. How can you not feel sorry for people who give limbs and lives to protect our freedoms?

The audience gives them a standing ovation. Rightfully so.

Okay, Piers should get the money. But right now, he's going home with a special coin from the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Center. Looked like a poker marker. I Wonder if he can gamble it at the craps table in Trump's Atlantic City casino.

An auction on nbc.com slash something having to do with the Celebrity Apprentice will go to The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. So, even if Trace wins, you can help raise money for the charity by spending your little heart out. Go consume, all you consumers. Consume for charity!

10:52 p.m. Oy vey! I am so torn. Chichilla coat little girl whose Daddy hasn't raised any money at all for her charity or soldiers who are blind with no legs who have already gotten money from a successful fund raiser. Who should win? Who?

Split it! Go ahead, The Donald, do a split. It's only fair!

10:58 p.m. The Donald is throwing in $250K of his own money for the winner's charity. So cool.

Trace says he is all for Piers's charity. But contrast that for the food allergy network. He represents 3 million fathers. They want that money. The fund will help save their children's lives. That's why they should win. Cry me a river. If it was solely up to me, they'd have the money already. Poor swollen throated little angels. Give those people the money!

Piers says this was not a good guy competition, it was a business competition with a premium for raising money for charity. He won 9 out of the 11 challenges given to him. He raised over $500M and had one of the biggest slaughters in the history of show. Killed everyone on all the business challenges. He believes he has integrity and doesn't think it should be called into question.

"But you were not loved, "says The Donald. "Does that mean anything to you?"

"No," said Piers. "You're not loved either." Touche.

Ivanka says that Piers lacks tact and that he's distracted. So, that's why she supports Trace.

Donald, Jr. says the use of the roladex is what allowed Piers to win. Down to the wire. Last minute here. The Donald rushes everyone along.

11:00 p.m. As predicted. Piers is The Celebrity Apprentice. Whoops erupt in the audience. Confetti falls. In the end, The Donald could not ignore his fund raising prowess. Not much time left for the wrap party. Wondering how The Donald managed to squander so much time in a live two-hour show. He should have reserved more time for the end. Not all of the fired celebrities had a chance to voice their choice for the winner. I'm feeling a little gyped here.

The Donald bids everyone a fond farewell and says they will be back next season. "We're going to be here for a long time," says The Donald. Yeah. Right. He hopes. Before they came up with this concept for a celebrity show, The Apprentice was done. Dead in the water. Was that crane accident in any way related to a project that was run by one of the other apprentices chosen on the show?

Keep bringing in the hot celebrities and I would say The Donald is right, actually, about future shows. This could be like Dancing With the Stars and continue into perpetuity.

It's been a blast live blogging this, everyone. Thanks for tuning in. And I'll be back for next season as well. Stay tuned.

80th Annual Academy Awards Live Blog Oscars

We're watching the 80th Annual Academy Awards on TV and allowing our virtual Hollywood correspondent, Moan Quivers, to live blog the Oscars. Anyone who's interested is urged to stick around. Moan couldn't be any more excitied. She's wearing her best red dress, drippy diamonds, and prowling the red carpet looking for celebrity victims to disparage. Moan is kind at heart, but loves to skewer.

Moani also plans to make some predictions and gossip. The TV channels her comments will be related to are:

TVGuide
ABC

Hope everyone has a great time tonight. Moan is loaded and raring to go. Ciao!

Having a Pity Party with Rosie O'Donnell

It's New Year's Day and this blogger is supposed to be at a party. For a very close friend. Why she is here blogging her little heart out is anyone's guess. Devotion to faithful readers? Misguided feelings of self worth? Unable to look away from the Internet? Work ethic?

Perhaps a little of all of the above?

I happened upon a Rosie O'Donnell video this morning and decided it would make a good short. Unfortunately, this will be very short because I am in fact very late for my friend's party. If my friend ever reads this --- and she probably won't (hardly any of my community friends read this blog) --- I am so sorry. Truly. But with all your other gobs of friends, I'm sure you haven't even noticed I'm missing. Love you, lady!

Back to Rosie. Sweetheart, darling, get over it. You're annoying. So what? Lots of people are annoying. I, myself am annoying. My kids tell me that all the time. There's no shame in being annoying. Embrace your "annoyingness." Become one with the obnoxious. Revel in it. Because it is who you are, Rosie. And if it's not who you want to be, make concerted efforts to change. You can change, Rosie. It is within your power if that's truly what you want to do.

Besides, being annoying is not Rosie O'Donnell's real problem. People who are fans of Rosie expect her to be annoying, obnoxious, over-bearing, and outspoken. It's what they love about her. No, Rosie has another more serious problem. If she ever wants to land back on top, this is the problem she needs to overcome.

First, a disclaimer. I'm not Dr. Phil, nor do I claim to have psychic powers or real insight into what makes Rosie tick. Pshaw. I loved her in that baseball movie, you know, the one with Tom Hanks and Madonna, but I haven't been able to stomach her since. No, actually, I did catch her cruise special on HBO. Seeing all those alternative lifestyle families joining together on that big cruise ship gave me a lift of some sort. I can't really describe it, but I did enjoy it.

I'm rambling and need to get to the point quickly to go shower. Rosie O'Donnell is not my cup of tea. She doesn't have to be. Rosie doesn't need me to be her fan. She already has tons of fans, people who religiously read her blog, people who will support her projects no matter what. If the celebrity crowd and their devotees reject her, that will not be the end for Rosie.

Rosie O'Donnell needs to get over her need to be universally loved. She will never be univerally loved. And let's face it. No one is universally loved. Not even Oprah, rich and influential as she may be. Everyone has their critics and detractors. There's always someone who wants to take you down a notch. That's just the way life is.

Poor sad pathetic Rosie. I wish I could reach out to her in cyberspace and slap a big squooshy hug around those big broad shoulders. But that would be overkill, wouldn't it? And I'm very late for my party.

Spice Girls Concert Tour Needs More Show

The attractive and stunningly fashionable Beckhams seem to be everywhere. Becks and brood caught wife Victoria’s half-empty show at the Vegas Mandalay on Monday. Word on the street suggests The Spice Girls’ "sold-out" concert tour is heavy on promo but light on showmo.

Posh must not have been as nervous as originally leaked to the media, supposedly the reason for sending hubby away for the premiere. Despite having recently traveled halfway around the world, there he was, along with BFFs Tom and Katie, cheering the spices from a private box. With all that star power and empty seating, the least they could have done was try to fill the place by sitting on the floor. The trashy crowd would have ignited, causing anyone within earshot to purchase admission just to check out the commotion.

Posh is next month's Elle cover story, but with the kind of press she and the spices have been generating of late, the issue may have prematurely shot its wad. “I’m such a gay man trying to get out,” Mrs. Beckham remarks, a reaction from political left field to her supposed drag queen sense of fashion.

Already, the bloggers are having a field day. When this issue hits newsstands, there’ll be little left to deride. Then there’s the mainstream. They can’t figure out how to react, but dutifully report the uttering anyway. Readers are left to think what they will.

Gay men have been known for flamboyancy, it’s true, but Posh’s sense of fashion isn't quite on the level of queen. Besides, plenty of gay men have devoted followings without being camp. This one immediately comes to mind. No self-respecting queen would be caught dead in that ensemble.

Perhaps the offhanded remark was just a ploy to fill seats.

Writers Strike Ignores Devastating Consequences of Continued Impasse

Film and television writers and studio bigwigs continue their game of chicken on the picket lines. Variety and late night talk shows, Saturday Night Live, the Daily Show, and the Tonight Show have already ceased production. The popular TV show, 24 recently declared an indefinite hiatus. Soon, crown jewels such as Two and a Half Men and Desperate Housewives will grind to an excruciating halt.

It comes as no surprise that money lies at the heart of this dispute. Writers want more for distribution of their material through the Internet and mobile broadcasting. Producers would rather wait and see how much revenue is generated. Sadly, both sides are missing the big picture.

The viewing public is fickle. One day, a celebrity is a rising star. The following year, washed up. Fans change allegiances like clothing and hairstyles. Everything today is disposable.

The movie and television industry would be wise to heed the fickle nature of its lifeblood. Each passing day of impasse draws the industry closer to demise. By way of explanation, take a look at the following hypothetical breakdown of television and movie viewers:

a. The Mindless
People who rely upon television to unwind and/or escape. They will generally continue watching no matter what type of shows are available. Although easily influenced, not a good group for advertisers because they have little disposable income. More likely to rent or have cable than to watch movies in theatres.

b. The Distracted
Channel flippers who land on programs of interest, they are just as likely to tune in as tune out. Television is used as background noise for multi-tasking or a brief respite between tasks. A good group for advertisers, but difficult to capture. Prefer to see movies in theatres, but frequency of attendance varies.

c. The Obsessed
Fans of the highest order who schedule activities around certain television programs, TiVo, on demand, etc. Can be influenced by product endorsement, but wide disparity in disposable income. Spend heavily on DVD rentals and purchases, as well as first run movies in theatres.

d. The Engaged
Destination television and movie watchers. Tend to be intellectual movers and shakers or those with active busy lives focusing on activities other than movies and television. Viewing is pre-planned for shows of interest. Extremely busy schedules and high level of disposable income make this set an advertising dream.

Of course, other categories and subsets may exist. Additionally, the foregoing categories are based upon unproven generalizations. Still, I believe the breakdown is illustrative.

The Engaged and Distracted will tune out quickly, if they haven’t already. The longer the strike continues, the less likely these viewers will return to old habits when it ends. Such was the case to some extent when the industry went on strike back in 1988. At that time, however, free entertainment on the Internet was not widely available. Millions of viewers now flock to independent video productions and cyber networks. Serious advertising dollars are beginning to follow. Revenue generated from the Engaged and Distracted will begin to flow elsewhere.

The movie and television industry is crazy to risk losing all this advertising revenue. That’s why continued impasse is a descent into madness.

The Mindless, of course, will remain loyal viewing subjects, but with little disposable income, their future behavior is inconsequential. That leaves the television and movie industry with two real choices: (1) find a mutually agreeable way to quickly end the strike; or (2) bank on the Obsessed to stay viable.

Is there another alternative that will help this industry emerge unscathed? If so, speak out. Your opinion could help an industry hell bent on killing itself in the name of greed.