Miley Cyrus Sweet 16 Hampers Team Tee Fashion

Will somebody famous please pick a fight with me so The Spewker can print team t-shirts and rake in the bucks? An emerging fashion line is cashing in on celebrity feuds and we want in.

Someone is getting rich off this drivel. I mean, look at the lousy design on that tee. A 10-year old could have printed it. We just want our share.

First there was Team Aniston v. Team Jolie. Then, came Team Paris v. Team Nicole.
Less than two months ago, Kevin Jonas stepped out with Team Demi and Selena. Must have something to do with those song lyrics. Still waiting to see Team Miley and Mandy on some famous torso.

Now it may never happen.

If you're not familiar with the Disney Bermuda Triangle, it's only because you're over age thirty and have bigger fish to fry. Like, say, keeping up your mortgage payments and holding down a job.

Team Miley and Mandy recently celebrated a Miley milestone with a Sweet 16 blowout to benefit Youth Service America. No big deal that her actual birthday is November 23rd. About 5,000 of her closest fans forked over $250 a piece to party at Disneyland and watch Miley perform.

Wholesome Hollywood turned out in droves. Including supposed rival Demi Lovato. Team tee lovers are crying foul.

For the most part, these tiffs are more show than real, but that doesn't stop the public from buying into the hype. Message boards can't get enough of the play by play.

Noticeably MIA from Miley's big day? The Jonai and frenemy Selena Gomez. Maybe these team tees have a longer shelf life than I imagined.

In that case, The Spewker welcome all slings and arrows, the more famous the better.

Keely Bares Icky, Madonna Tour Sticky, and Phelps Gets Wicky

Pierce Brosnan's wife, Keely Shaye Smith, gets tongues wagging by going boogie boarding in an itsy bitsy teeny weeny very mismatched blue bikini.

Director Christopher Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman in his next Batman movie may already come with a lifetime supply of whips and masks. Rumor has it that Cher is in negotiations to join the tentatively titled "Caped Crusader" film which begins shooting in Vancouver early next year.

France's new First Lady may be with child. Speculation is running rampant after paparazzi photographed President Nicolas Sarkozy affectionately patting Carla Bruni's rounded tummy during a seaside vacation.

Celebrate the Sweet 16 of Miley Cyrus at Disneyland this October. Be the first of 5,000 outrageously ga-ga fans to splurge $250 a ticket, and you too can party like a teenage rock star. Tickets go on sale August 30th at 9 a.m.

Sticky and sweet doesn't do justice to these photographs from Madonna's new world tour. The 50-year old pop sensation still has the moves of a woman half her age. Go Madge!

Could Jennifer Love Hewitt be getting cold feet? After shedding 18 pounds, the Ghost Whisperer star postponed her wedding to Sottish fiance Ross McCall, claiming different shooting schedules caused a strain on their relationship.

A hospital reportedly run by Celebrity Rehab star Dr. Drew Pinsky is under investigation. Within the past five months, three patients have died under mysterious conditions at the Pasadena facility.

To kick off Rock The Vote's voter registration drive, singer Sheryl Crow will give away digital copies of her new album Detours to the first 50,000 people who register three friends to vote. People who log on to the Rock the Vote website or join the group mailing list can also get a free download of her new song, Gasoline.

Before the Olympics wrapped, there was Olympic freestyle. Or maybe it was doggie style. No joke. Read all the sordid details direct from an Olympic insider.

Sure, everyone wanted to see photographs of Fred Phelps, estranged father of Olympic superstar Michael Phelps. But now comes word that Michael bought a multi-million dollar Baltimore condominium, snagged a book deal, AND is snogging fellow Olympian, the "racy Aussie dolphin" Stephanie Rice. Bet Fred must be kicking himself about now.

Jonas Brothers Spark White House Fever and Wax Probing

Imagine you're a member of the White House Press Corps, ready to rumble your otherwise humdrum existence with a vetting of the President's Press Secretary when suddenly a gaggle of teen magazine and entertainment news reporters descend upon the room, complete with teeny-boppers in tow.

Many of the over thirty crowd had no idea who had rolled into town. But don't count sexagenarian Dick Cheney among them. The colorful V.P. brought his grandchildren to work yesterday for the chance to meet The Jonas Brothers, one of the hottest musical acts in America.

Can you guess which fans smell of oil holdings and hunting rifles?

Neither can I. But that never stopped me from ridiculing blatant nepotism.

Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas arrived in the nation's capital to attend a public briefing on diabetes and tape a National Parks public service announcement. White House officials later ushered the band into a downstairs area to sign a little known wall of with celebrity autographs.

Well look at that. The most powerful men in the free world get star struck just like the rest of us. Only difference is they can scratch their inner stalker any time with a trip to the underground Grauman's Chinese Theatre Mini-Me. Try constructing something like that in your basement.

Joe Jonas seemed especially humbled to add his signature to the prestigious collection of celebrity ink scratchings.

"There's other names up there that are just astounding, some of our favorite artists and politicians," he said. "But it's going to be really cool to see that in 10 years, 20 years from now."

Watch raw footage of The Jonas Brothers news conference here

From there, it was on to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum for the unveiling of their "yummy dummies." Fans hungrily groped the fakes long after the boys made their exit.

In and around Washington, lucky bystanders took advantage of the opportunity to rub elbows with the Camp Rock stars.

Just goes to show when it comes to fashion, these guys could still use some styling. If not for the matching wedding singer shoes, I'd be willing to bet it was the doppelganger gripping the mike.

[Source]

Selena Gomez Rocks Ur Vote Counts

I never thought I'd be writing something like this, but praise gawd for teen activists like Selena Gomez. The spirited sprite can't even vote in November, but already is making herself useful by assisting Ur Vote Counts in Glendale, California.

Gomez mingled with the "little people," allowing fans to snap pictures as she doled out autographs. Gomez hoped to inspire children to become more politically active by her example.

Johnny Vieira Lawsuit Has Vanessa Hudgens Singing the Blues

Be still my heart. Can the obscure Spewker Celebrity Politics Blog out-scoop "celebrity justice" monopoly TMZ.com after all?

Perhaps. Although, bots are raging with the latest Vanessa Hudgens "lawsuitical."

In the interests of going to press, I'll be brief. Fox 'Pop Tarts' Holly McKay broke the story, subsequently gossip-girled, making the lean tanned firmly-toned legs on this one like chasing a unicorn.

Songwriter and music producer Johnny Vieira doing business as "Johnny on the Spot Productions" is suing Disney's all-American sweetheart Hudgens, father Greg Hudgens, unidentifiable business entity Hollywood Records, and 1-50 John Does for breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, aiding and abetting breach of fiduciary duty, recission [sic], fraud, and defamation, claiming what appears to be in excess of $22 million dollars damages, unspecified punitive damages, the undoing of a settlement agreement, and hoo-boy, maybe indentured servitude ... it was hard to read between the lines of the 27-page complaint.

Word has it that Greg Hudgens allegedly smeared Vieira in an email while trying to warn others about his predatory business practices. Last time I looked, it was talent beware in the Land of Oz. Even to this rube, seems like anyone trying to rep talent as "Johnny on the Spot" would be viewed more as sewer receptacle than respectable business partner.

Jamie Lynn Chews Out Paparazzi

Jamie Lynn reportedly kicked out her baby daddy and had choice words for the paps.

So what if this parody is the closest we'll ever get to a Jamie Lynn Spears interview? The stress of raising a baby without a wedding ring must be getting to the poor dear. How else to explain throwing fiance Casey out of the house after snooping around for (and finding) contact information for other women on his cell phone and computer?

Jamie Lynn and Casey are back together ... for now. But I wouldn't be surprised if their OK Magazine spread had anything to do with it. A clause in their contract probably requires the diaper duty duo to look blissfully happy ... at least until the issue clears newsstands.

Shia Busted Again for DUI and Mo' Gossip

Hello, world. IT'S MOAN QUIVERS! Reporting to you live from the red carpet in virtual Hollywood. Even though no one seemed to enjoy last week's titillating round of gossip, I'm getting a second shot at this gig.

So, without further ado, here are my sizzling gossip picks for our Monday morning "Weekend Wrap."

Keira Knightly won't buckle under pressure to permit digital enhancement of her upper torso in movie promotions. Only in Hollywood, folks. You go, girlfriend... er tomboygirl ... erm, whatever. [NY Daily News]

More disturbingly intimate photos of Miley Cyrus have hit the fan. Yech. Ptooey. Somebody better teach the Disney diva about the better part of valor before her fan base hits the fan and moves on. [Ocean Up]

The supermodel and the quarterback put their respective bachelor pads on the market. Do I hear wedding bells for Tom and Gisele? When can we start calling them Gisom? [People]

I know who I'm hitting up for a night on the town. Forbes ranked top paid female celebs and you'll never believe who hit #1! Hint: It wasn't Reese. [Hollyscoop]

Once again, Shia LaBeouf has been busted for DUI. Lately, the Disturbia star is showing disturbing signs of serious trouble. LaBeouf crashed his truck around 3:00 a.m. Sunday morning and underwent surgery for injuries to his left hand. Police are using blood drawn at the hospital to confirm alcohol levels. Woo boy. [TMZ]

Richard Simmons intends to wipe out childhood obesity one chunky chubby at a time. The exercise guru discusses plans to march on Washington in support of new legislation. [Extra]

Bobby Kennedy, Jr. and wife Mary have turned construction of their new environmentally friendly green home into a 13-part reality series. "This Old House" star Bob Vila will supervise the project. [Rush and Molloy]

Now here's something truly wacky. Some wild and crazy Iowans tried to take Congressional matters in their own hands by making a citizens arrest on Dubya's old pal, Karl Rove. Too bad these crazy mixed-up kids were then arrested themselves. But ya gotta admire all that spunk and determination. [CBS]

She supposedly busts up a perfectly good marriage and now she's suing the photographers who caught her trysting nakedly with a married man. Homewrecker! Hussy! Ho! Blaming the paps for your sinful ways is lower than dogmeat. [Hollywood Newsroom]

Talk about being a wanger. Andy wangerhead to be precise. Yes, Andy Dick goes out of his way to prove he actually can get arrested even though hardly anyone in Hollywood will touch him with a ten foot pole. [Uberazzi]

That's a wrap. Tune in again next Monday morning for another live Moan Quiver's report. Ta.

Miley Cyrus New Picture Sleaze Screams Scandal

Sleazy photographs of the world's richest teenager are causing a universal rise in testosterone.

Miley Cyrus, aka the "Oops I Did It Again Girl," must think she's a Victoria's Secret model. This girl cannot keep her pants on. And those come hither eyes. Talk about kids trying to grow up too fast and parents not giving a damn.

Methinks Miss Hannah Montana has serious mouse issues, like she's taunting the network to can her sexy hide. Meanwhile, Disney executives will have to strategize more damage control, just in case a scandal like the one rocking U.K. Channel 4 rears its ugly head.

Personally, I think Miley needs to put her clothes back on and hire the best shrink money can buy. Other leaked photographs offer a not so pretty behind the scenes look at a scandal in waiting.

Here's a drawing Billy Ray supposedly made of Miley when she was just a tween, apparently practicing her now refined come hither look.

And here she stands apart from her siblings in a picture with Billy Ray practically screaming for attention. Hey, it's great to have your own TV show, fashion line, instant fan recognition, and money to burn, but a little TLC never hurt anyone.

Update: The Vanity Fair photos stoking the rumor mill are controversial but reflect artistic content. Cyrus appears to take pleasure in circulating sleazier photos with no socially redeeming content whatsoever.