Juan Epstein May Have Long Lost Father

After joking about Juan Epstein's mother all these years, someone finally decided to dig up his long lost father. Welcome Back Kotter stopped production more than twenty years ago, but don't let that bit of trivia stop anyone.

Now come reports of a man in Coober Pedy bearing a striking resemblance to young Epstein. Problem is the guy they're talking about seems to be some kind of meat-fisted, booze guzzling, tree- hugging, branch-slashing freakazoid on a bad "emu dreaming trail" trip.

I don't think this unusual suspect will be signing school excuse notes any time soon.

Charles Manson's Eerie 9/11 Connection

So many decisions, so little time.

For instance, I'm now trying to decide between Safari and Internet Explorer for my laptop. Safari is such a clean looking, faster loading browser. The only problem is my C-drive. Not enough disc space to download Adobe flash again and apparently no file sharing with IE. Drat. No video viewing capabilities. Something will have to go.

Or, take for example, writing blog articles at 4:00 a.m. Sleep or blog? What, am I crazy? That was a rhetorical question.

Finally, this humdinger. I might be crazy, but did I hear Charles Manson reveal a 9/11 connection in this 1987 Geraldo interview? Good thing I had already reviewed the video for yesterday's Susan Atkins article.

Either I'm not crazy, or Manson's Arabic farewell and "We'll see if you've got anybody in New York City" utterance are one helluva coincidence.

Zachery Ty Bryan Sues Over Taser Incident

"Piss off you fraud, you deserved every volt pumped into you."

So says some hot hotel affiliate in the comments section of this TMZ article about Zachery Ty Bryan, the kid who played Brad Taylor on Home Improvement.

Cute little Zachery is all grown up and married. Problem is, he also likes to party. Bryan is suing Choice Hotels International, Inc., John Noble, individually and as Trustee for Choice Hotels, and Armando Blancarte, a Quality Inn manager, for $25K over a tasing incident that took place about three months ago at the chain's San Diego location.

Apparently, Bryan got drunk and had it out with Blancarte who ended up tasing him, ostensibly to keep the peace. Bryan claims the hotel bozos who wouldn't let him see his wife are responsible, filing suit on June 23, 2008.

Huh? Took him that long to sue after police were called but no charges filed? If this litigation had any kind of merit, a lawyer would have jumped all over it the minute it hit police blotters. Better yet, the minute police scanners broadcasted the scuffle.

Sorry, but Zach isn't looking like an innocent victim in all of this. Luckily for him, California is a comparative negligence state. If the hotel or any other defendant was even a tiny bit responsible, he should be able to squeeze out some damages, paltry as $25K may seem for a former television star.

Times must surely be tough if Bryan has to belittle himself suing for that kind of pittance.

First Photos Jenna Bush and Henry Hager Wedding Revealed

On May 10, 2008, at Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas, First Twin, Jenna Bush, married long-time sweetheart, Henry Hager, in a private family ceremony. President George "Dubya" Bush and First Lady Laura Bush, as well as First Twin, Barbara Bush, and assorted family members were in attendance.

[Official Photos]

We have our own exclusive photographs of the happily married couple at the ceremony and on their honeymoon.

Newlyweds Henry and Jenna Hager take their first walk down the aisle.

Henry Hager and Jenna Bush Hager on their honeymoon in the Holy Land.


We Baltimorons couldn't be more excited about the happy couple choosing our quirky town for their first love nest. I hear they secretly purchased one of those historical row houses in a yuppie downtown neighborhood.

Shhhh. Don't tell anyone. As soon as the cat's out of the bag, the paps will be swarming the place.

Of course, having Jenna and Henry nearby is a definite advantage. All that secret service protection couldn't help but lower the murder rate.

Florida Teens Violent Video Explained

Just in case skanks don't get the message.

Media Gave Omaha Mall Shooter Incentive to Commit Senseless Rampage

Yesterday’s Omaha mall rampage, ending in the senseless deaths of eight random holiday shoppers, proves once again that secluded suicide cannot compete with the lure of mass murder notoriety for some crazy depressed people.

In case you don’t own a television or radio and never scan newspaper headlines, a troubled 19-year old man who had recently lost both his job and his girlfriend opened fire with what appeared to be an SKS assault rifle at the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska. Eight innocent victims and the gunmen, who later committed suicide, are now dead.

The gunman, who was living with friends after his family kicked him out, left a fateful note predicting he would become famous for his heinous crime. He made certain a parent of his host family, Debora Maruca-Kovac, knew about the note and its location, but told her nothing more. Maruca-Kovac called the man’s family, reported the situation to local authorities, then left for her job at a local hospital.

So there we have it, another insanely depressed person in need of psychiatric care who literally decided to check out with a bang. Ironically, the national news media cavalierly publicizes the name of the perpetrator, yet withholds the names of his victims out of respect for their families. What is wrong with this picture?

Truth be told, I am more interested in the identity and background of the eight innocent victims than information about the loony tune who gunned them down in cold blood. No purpose whatsoever is served by reporting the gunman’s name or anything about him. What does this information matter to a person outside of Omaha? The gunman’s suicide is sad, yes, especially this time of year, but let’s face it, the guy was a psychopathic serial killer who wanted to die. Other than some sick fascination with the senseless nature of his crime, why do we care?

I don’t buy the rationale about the information being news. The media, and even bloggers, need to wake up and realize their role in perpetuating this type of crime. As I have said before, giving psychologically deranged people the notoriety they crave for committing mass murder serves to ensure crimes of this nature are committed in the future. That’s right, I’m pointing a fat finger at the media for inspiring this hideous insanity. Where does it end? Another Columbine? Virginia Tech? Enough!

If the public thinks they need to know about the gunman, make the public take an extra step to learn this information themselves. The media should be sensitive to the incentive created by broadcasting the gunman's name and background. Find an alternative manner to report information about the gunman. Whatever happened to the media's commitment to responsible journalism?

Hey, here’s an idea. Set up an 800-number. Put everything anyone would need to know about the gunman in a recording. Let people call the number for the information. Refer to the gunman as a "mass murderer" in all news reports. Include a tagline with flashcard information for the 800-number as follows:

“Anyone wanting to know the identity or background of the mass murderer should call 1-800 blah blah blah for more information. That’s 1, 800, blah blah blah if you want to know anything about the murderer who killed blah blah blah number of people.”

I’ll bet hardly anyone would be interested after a few days. Actually, the proof will be in the pudding. Just measure the amount of calls over time. No need to change the recording until the next senseless rampage occurs. Sadly, that is the reality of this type of situation. Mark my words, the next senseless rampage is just around the corner. Because everyone, even psychologically deranged loony tunes, wants their 15 minutes of fame.



The media can continue to foster the insanity, or it can try to move the country in a different direction. By removing the notoriety component from the equation, the media can help move America one step closer to an end of these crimes. I’m not saying the madness will stop completely, but in just a few years, if the media implements and sticks with a policy banning mass broadcast of perpetrator information, this type of senseless crime could decrease significantly.

Why not, for the sake of argument, give it a try?

Man With Bomb Threatens Clinton New Hampshire Headquarters

Hillary knows she's got trouble in the latest polls. That's why she's in Vienna, Virginia today for a Democratic pow-wow rather than her campaign headquarters in Rochester, New Hamphire.

This story is still breaking, so not much to report. Some crazy person with a bomb strapped around his torso burst into Clinton's Rochester campaign headquarters demanding a face to face. Some hostages were released, but according to reports, some innocent campaign workers are still being held inside. Oh wait, now they're saying all the hostages have been released. I certainly hope so.

The rise in these type of incidents for the sake of publicity is despicable. I hope the media doesn't waiver from a description of this looney toon as the "nutjob with salt and pepper hair." Giving this low-life an identity is far too good for him.

Disagree with Clinton's politics, sure, but incidents like this give me the willies.

How Much is that Number in the Window?

A full week has passed since Baltimore’s own NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) began an insipid campaign to reduce the number of Baltimore City homicides. Details later. Suffice it to say, I would expect nothing less from an organization who not only cleaves to a horribly outdated and politically incorrect moniker, but also fails to advance its stated goal of relocation to the nearby nation’s capital.

When they started this revolutionary plan of action, the murder tally in Baltimore City stood at 178, give or take, depending upon whom you asked, and whether Teetoe tried to give Peanut’s woman a ride home from that wild block party.

As previously noted, Pigtown’s crime situation is out of control. Not that local crime has ever been tolerable, but around the time Martin O’Malley threw his hat in the ring for governor (this, mind you, after only three years as Baltimore’s mayor), violent crime took a decided turn for the worse. Just yesterday, two police officers were shot in a neighborhood populated by a mixture of working-class and affluent residents. About a month ago, only blocks from the Inner Harbor, a mother returned home from work to discover her 15-year old daughter slashed to death in a bedroom. For almost a decade, gang activity has escalated to new lows.

The problem is compounded by delusional residents who believe their civic duty requires releasing violent offenders back out on the streets. Police commissioners come and go in a bizarre musical chairs twist. Pausing to catch their collective breath, officials anoint the next great white hope, only to snatch the throne away as the latest set of alarming statistics surface.

The numbers are fugly. Baltimore occupies a top spot second only to Detroit, Michigan as the most violent city in America. Time and time again, outsiders pound this dubious distinction into our collective unconscious. Like war veterans participating in Memorial Day ceremonies with concealed battle scars, it’s hard to be proud, but we try.

What are local institutions doing to combat the problem? Not too long ago, the NAACP helped effectuate positive social reform in America. Not so much anymore. Perhaps I shouldn’t gripe about the apparent demise of the NAACP and its declining influence. After all, I’m not a card-carrying member. Oh, what the hey.

“Your leaders have sold you out, man.”

There. No putting that genie back in the bottle.

Sorry, but African-Americans generally are the worst affected by violent crime because they lack responsible leadership. Every other immigrant group in America has been able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and live the American dream through hard work, determination, and community support. Those who achieve a modicum of success set up institutions and services dedicated to the care and welfare of their own. Those in need of assistance take until they are able to give back. The cycle continues throughout each generation until gradually, collective life improves. If you don’t believe me, just look at the Italians, the Russians, the Koreans, or the Latinos.

For some reason, these concepts never caught on in the African-American community. One-parent households are the rule rather than the exception, contributing to higher levels of promiscuity and use of recreational drugs. Those in the lower echelons largely rely upon government support. Muckety mucks encourage such dependence because it helps them retain positions of power. Unfortunately, it does very little to help downtrodden African- Americans. And so, the cycle of poverty and crime continues with no foreseeable end in sight.

What did the questionable leadership at the NAACP propose to help stamp out escalating city violence? Well, it wasn’t responsible parenting. It wasn’t even increased construction of recreation centers to get younger kids off the street. No, these fine illustrious people at the N-double A-C-P recently urged Baltimoreans to post the current number of homicides in the windows of their residences and businesses. Hoo boy. Criminals, better watch your backs.

As if. As of today, give or take where you hear it and the status of Peanut’s woman, the homicide tally stands at 183. Wonder if there's anyone left in the city still foolish enough to post that.

It's the Chip Franklin Show

There’s a dearth of good daytime radio shows in Baltimore. A big city? Hah. Like I said before, Baltimore likes to think it’s a big city. No hon, we’re small potatoes. And dangerous. Ooooo. Pigtown's got a little bad boy edge go’n on.

When Chip Franklin took over Alan Prell’s morning radio spot, I was saddened. Alan had become part of my morning routine. He was Uncle Al the kiddies’ pal, a good compliment to Ron Smith in the afternoon. In my mind, no one could replace little Ally. Chip had a long road to hoe.

Two parts stand up comic, one part political manifesto, let’s just say, Chip Franklin took a lot of getting used to. After a number of years, I’m finally comfortable. His sidekicks are a hoot. Sherry, Mickey, C4, Schmuck, oh yeah, he’s for real. Debates with flags, movie ratings, celebrity posers, the show is an exercise in good fun. There are days when the topics are compelling and days when I switch channels, but overall, not too shabby.

I rarely have time to call in or send e-mail. I just comment out loud as I'm driving to wherever. I probably should stop doing that, although with the advent of hands free it's no longer weird. Today’s program included a segment about whether violence in America is any worse than when people Chip’s age (me) were growing up. Chip said it wasn’t and Sherry disagreed.

I’m with Sherry on this one. Violence in America is much worse than when I was a kid. I'm not talking about street fights and gangs, that's always been bad. I'm talking about meaningless hordes of innocent victims violence. Terrorist violence. Violence for the sake of violence.

IMHO the media bares part of the blame. When is the media going to develop a policy requiring cold blooded killers to be referred to as “the sick twisted vermin murderer?” Why does the media give sickos the notoriety they crave? Just look at Virginia Tech. Did the networks have to replay the video or report the killer's name? What about that nut in the Amish schoolhouse? Cover of People and countless others. Then there's the “I want to be famous” tube. Thousands of hits and still going strong. At first I thought it was funny and then I wanted to hurl. Someone memorialized John Lennon’s killer in a movie. Sickening. I can't understand where the oodles of this sick stuff comes from. American Psycho, the new Elisha Cuthbert flick, I could go on and on. Did we ever see or read stuff like this in the 60s?

I think the real turning point for gratuitous violence was Deliverance. In its day, the movie was shocking. Today, it’s kiddy fare. A true example of how debased and desensitized we Americans have become.

Update: 10/23/07. About a week after I wrote this piece, WBAL announced Chip Franklin's imminent departure. Chip seemingly vanished into thin air less than two weeks later. I heard he took a gig in el Lay, although the shock of his departure -- occurring so close to the time I finally became comfortable listening to his show -- threw me for a loop. What are the odds of something like that? I didn't bother researching his transition out west. Just licked my wounds and moved on. Today, more than two months later, I am finally ready to close the book on this odd turn of events. On 8/15/07, Chip sent me the following "Dear Jane" e-mail:


I had been saving it in my que, knowing it was the follow-up to this article, but too numb to care. It goes without saying what effect Chip's departure has had on the Baltimore talk radio scene. But I don't much care. Now that my car has Sirius radio, I listen to vinyl gold and 70s oldies. It's a better bet they won't be leaving town any time soon.

Good Night Baltimore

Just when the Hollywood intelligentsia start gearing up for the movie premiere of Hairspray (the Broadway musical version), Baltimore City's crime problem blazes out of control. The last time the city took this much heat was The Great Baltimore Fire of 1904. Well, maybe not that far back, but close. I wonder if Brittany Snow plans to attend the premiere without her bodyguards.

The streets of Pigtown are out of control. Mayoral candidates now bandy about the idea of marshall law. Marshall Freaking Law for cripes sake! Are these people brain dead?

I'm a born and buttered Baltimoron, and the first to crack wise about her hometown roots. Hons, dem O's, seafood, Preakness, the Inner Harbor, Nipper the dog, the Bromo Seltzer Tower...I have a symbiotic relationship with all things Charm City. Baltimore is who I am and what I love about America. It's a big city comprised of many neighborhoods and community groups, a small town that simply got too big for its britches. There's a feeling of belonging in Baltimore I can't put into words. I haven't really found that anywhere else and believe me I've tried.

But Baltimore sure has its problems -- rampant deadly crime for one. It's gotten pretty darn bleak out there. I'm genuinely afraid to walk around my neighborhood at night. And I live in Baltimore County.

Complaining isn't going to change things, but maybe it will help open a dialogue. This town needs some practical solutions, not drivel from vote mongering political candidates. Perhaps if residents cared more about civic pride than partying on city streets and killing one another, this little town could turn itself around. Like that little engine chugging and puffing, "I think we can...I think we can..."

Click for Spewed Videos du Jour.