Octomom soon to become Octomom�

Making full use of her uterurs-turned-ATM, Nadya Suleman has filed to trademark the name "Octomom" so she can use it to sell merchandising, according to The Smoking Gun:

In her April 10 USPTO filings, the 33-year-old mother of 14 identifies herself as "Nadya Suleman, AKA Octomom," and notes that she wants to use the "Octomom" handle on products such as dresses, pants, shirts, and disposable and textile diapers. Suleman also wants to secure a trademark to use "Octomom" in connection with TV variety programming. As seen in the below excerpts from Suleman's USPTO applications, she had to sign a letter consenting to "the use of my nickname as a Trademark or Servicemark." The USPTO applications, which cost Suleman a total of $825 and only include a bland logotype, were filed for her by a Whittier, California law firm.

Since I love capitalism and reckless breeding so much, I came up with some catchy slogans for Nadya: Octomom: Why Work When You Have Frozen Embryos and Access to a Shoddy Practitioner of Medicine?
Octomom: Have You Whored Your Kids Out Today?
Octomom: Why Buy Huggies When You Can Pay Extra to Make My Face Even More Pervasive Than Ever? [Smiling Nadya Suleman here.]
Octomom: Because Fuck What Kim Kardashian Says.
That last one might actually catch on. My bad.
Source: thesuperficial.com

Kim Kardashian calls out Octo-Mom

Kim Kardashian is apparently taking umbrage with Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman, according to her blog. Finally, someone Kim is just slightly higher than on the morality ladder:

Why is Octomom wearing my Jimmy Choo sunglasses!? I think it's a little ridiculous that she claims she has no money and is on welfare to take care of her 14 children, yet she is out shopping and buying Jimmy Choo sunglasses!
I guess she'd rather spend her octo-dollars on accessories. Aren't 14 accessories enough, Octomom?? Am I sensing a shopping addiction here? Khloe and Kourtney can hook you up with someone who can help you battle this!

Yeah, Octomom, why are you spending all that money on Jimmy Choo's? When you could be shopping at Kim's store Dash! Stop in today for their Media Whore Clearance Spectacular. You're gonna love it! NOTE: If you're a Knicks fan, congratulations, your team's just been cursed. At least more so than usual. Hi-YO!
Source: thesuperficial.com

Angelina Jolie giving money to Octo-Mom?

Angelina Jolie might be donating money to her creepy doppleganger Octo-Mom Nadya Suleman. Granted, this news comes by way of Star, so take it with a grain of salt - the size of a minivan:

"Angelina is worried about the best interests of the kids," explains a source. "As a mom of six, she knows how chaotic and costly raising a big family can be."
And while the money would no doubt help Nadya pay for everything from clothes to schooling, Angelina, 33, does have some misgivings about the gift, notes the source.
"She doesn't necessarily approve of Nadya, and she doesn't want to turn the situation into even more of a circus."

Of course, a practical solution would be for Angelina to install a private Starbucks in Octo-mom's house, so she'll spend more time with her brood. Then again, that'll just end in Britney Spears crashing through the skylight. Dammit, there's just no easy answer to this thing is there? Which is why it's important for parents to talk to their kids about the uterus: It's not a gatling gun.
The More You Know....

Octo-Mom: From the pole and into our hearts

I've pretty much steered clear of the whole Octo-Mom fiasco, but this story involves stripping which, for the sake of journalistic integrity, I'm honor-bound to post about. The National Enquirer reports:

Nadya confessed to a close pal: "I had not even kissed a boy. But I entered a dance/lingerie contest in a club near my home. I danced and paraded in lingerie.
"Then, when I was 19, I went to a gentleman's club and performed as a topless dancer. But I only did it one night. I quit when I found out I was expected to perform lap dances on the customers."

Wow. Who's stupid enough not to realize stripping involves lap dances? Oh, right, Octo-mom. Good thing those genes are being passed on - times eight 14. That said, I can only imagine how this story ended:
OCTO-MOM: Gee, stripping is hard. If only there's an easier way to make money...
OCTO-UTERUS: Get me OUTTA HERE! I'll talk! I'll talk!

Source: thesuperficial.com